IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is the parents who have to make children good citizens of society while others believe this should be done at school.Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Taking care of
children
Use synonyms
 is one most important of parents to raise them to be proper citizens of society,
while
Linking Words
 some people argue that it is
Correct article usage
the responsible
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
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 of
school
Use synonyms
 to shape their
children
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will deep down into both perspectives and include my own experiences. Family is the first station for young boys and girls to
be raise
Change the verb form
be raised
show examples
 and taught the
basis
Replace the word
basic
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 things that they should know before going out to meet new strangers in the classroom. Lacking
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
a
well
Correct word choice
good
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 family education since they are young can harm their
personaliy
Correct your spelling
personality
 and
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 which
is lead
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to be unable to adapt to people outside;
for example
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, in my classroom, there will always be a person who is bad at adapting to everyone else because they show some traits that others might find them hard to approach and unpleasant. They will keep isolating themselves and
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 talking to or
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 with friends which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to shape him to enter into a terrible environment without any
guidances
Fix the agreement mistake
guidance
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 play a crucial shaping their
children
Use synonyms
's personalities by instilling discipline, teamwork, and moral values through various extracurricular activities. Getting
children
Use synonyms
 to practice communicating effectively, and respecting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other in diverse cultures and perspectives.
For instance
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, there was a classmate who had moved to my
school
Use synonyms
 in the middle of a semester. At
first,
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he often ignored and violated the
school
Use synonyms
 laws and he found it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
difficult to get with others.
However
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, with the help of supportive teachers and
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 program, He gradually
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
 the importance of respect and responsibility. He improved his social skills and became more cooperative in all semesters. In conclusion, Raising a child to be a good citizen is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 responsibility of their parents and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
schools. The family
lay
Wrong verb form
lays
show examples
 the basis of moral values and basic social skills,
while
Linking Words
school
Use synonyms
 provide the structure, social exposure, and education. the balance between
familys
Correct your spelling
families
family
 and schools is essential for shaping the next good generations.

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task achievement
Clarify your points and ensure that they directly relate to the main question. For instance, when discussing the role of parents, make sure to explicitly tie your examples back to how they help a child become a good citizen.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph. This will help to improve the logical flow of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Proofreading can help catch small mistakes that may detract from your overall message.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your examples are relatable and illustrate your points effectively, particularly the personal experiences you shared.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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