IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that adding extra
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to study in
university
Use synonyms
 offers a significant impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your career. There is an argument
says
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that some students prefer to focus on their main degree
studies
Use synonyms
 and Spend most of their time on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. On one hand, extracurricular courses are beneficial to many people.
University
Use synonyms
 students are more prone to read and increase their knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since they are in a place and a time
Period
Fix capitalization
period
show examples
 that makes them capable
to study
Change preposition
of studying
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, adding more
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 to your
studies
Use synonyms
 will not decrease
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 focus
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your main ones,
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 you may become more focused.
In addition
Linking Words
, it may help you in some aspects of Your main
studies
Use synonyms
, especially if you
choosed
Correct your spelling
choose
course
Correct article usage
a course
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 related to your field.
For example
Linking Words
, my
university
Use synonyms
 colleagues in
Information
Correct article usage
the Information
show examples
 Technology School used to have a side course
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 basic computer skills in their first year of
university
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some people think it is better to put all of the efforts they have in only one place. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that, they could be distracted from their path by
this
Linking Words
addittion
Correct your spelling
addition
.
Although
Linking Words
, we should consider the fact that human brains
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have the same degree of Intelligence.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are certain
university
Use synonyms
College's
Change noun form
College
show examples
 where you can't read even an extra paper
from
Change preposition
because of
show examples
 the high load of pressure in them.
For instance
Linking Words
 medical student, already have a full program throughout the day, rendering them to have no time for
other thing
Change the wording
another thing
other things
show examples
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of their
Studies
Use synonyms
. In summary, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 balance, I tend to believe that it
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
to to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 personal capabilities and strength.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the load you are handling in your
university
Use synonyms
programe
Correct your spelling
program
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify the introduction by explicitly stating your opinion on the topic. This will enhance the reader's understanding of your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is logically organized to improve flow. For example, clearly separate the pros and cons of taking additional subjects.
Task Achievement
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and expressiveness. Try to avoid repetition of phrases and expressions.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of speaking generally, personal experiences can also strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
You have identified both views on the topic effectively, demonstrating an understanding of different perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well and gives a sense of closure to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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