IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby

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Previously, going to the market for shopping was considered to be a task for covering family demands . In our contemporary era,
however
Linking Words
, shopping transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 an entertainment activity. In my opinion, I would argue that
this
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 is an absolutely positive trend.
Due to
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 the role in fostering the national economy,
in addition
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 to the whole family
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
 enjoyment. Obviously, wandering in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 that are erected in most nowadays cities.
This
Linking Words
 activity could be regarded as a definitely positive development. Owing to the fact that families are mostly accompanied by
by
Remove the redundancy
apply
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their children, who are mostly served by amusing facilities, that equipped by
most
Add an article
the most
a most
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 recent plaza.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will be a compelling factor in order to get the weekend mind rest.
For example
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, in the city of Baghdad, recently most shopping malls have been supported by indoor
play grounds
Correct your spelling
playgrounds
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, located at the upper storeys. Families mostly prefer
this
Linking Words
 type of amusing
facilities
Fix the agreement mistake
facility
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 because of
it's
Replace the word
its
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 safety and cheapness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The current development of changing the style of marketing from
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 task to a pleasure action,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 would be drastically effective in boosting the national economy.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, by rising sale rates in the local market.
Consequently
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, the general status of common trades will
e
Verb problem
apply
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flourished
Wrong verb form
flourish
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.
For instance
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, many individuals in our community insist
to gain
Change preposition
on gaining
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 the new version of
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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electronic gadgets, despite the little differences with what they, already, have.
This
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 approach is a considerable factor in providing the
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 infrastructure with
tremendous
Add an article
a tremendous
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 amount of resources.
To sum up
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, the new variation of marketing to be just like a practice for pleasure is an excellent inclination, owing to the factors mentioned above.

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task achievement
Try to develop your main ideas more fully with explanations and relevant examples to support them. This will help enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure logical flow by using linking words and phrases more effectively to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Revise sentences for grammatical accuracy and clarity. For instance, some sentences could be rephrased to improve readability and eliminate minor errors.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear perspective on the topic and expresses a personal opinion, which is a good sign of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction is engaging and captures the reader's interest, effectively setting the stage for the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of accomplishment
  • overcoming obstacles
  • gratifying
  • continuous source of enjoyment
  • relaxing activities
  • unwind and de-stress
  • counterproductive
  • mental break
  • subjective
  • personal preference
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