IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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In some countries, university
students
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 live with their families
while
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 studying,
whereas
Linking Words
 in others, they move to another city.
While
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 both options have advantages, I believe that living away from
home
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 provides greater benefits despite some challenges. One key advantage of living independently is personal growth.
Students
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 learn essential life
skills
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such
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 as managing finances, cooking, and organizing their schedules.
This
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 experience fosters independence and responsibility, which are crucial for adulthood.
For instance
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, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
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 graduate from their high schools, and
be
Wrong verb form
are
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 accepted
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities that far away from their beloved
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home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 and families, it
is pushed
Wrong verb form
pushes
show examples
 them to manage their new
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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theirself
Correct your spelling
their self
. Despite they are forced to balance academic demands, they have to handle daily tasks, which significantly
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their time management
skills
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.
Additionally
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, living in a new city allows
students
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 to experience different cultures and build diverse social networks. They interact with people from various backgrounds, enhancing their adaptability and communication
skills
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.
This
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 exposure can be beneficial for their future careers, as many workplaces value individuals who can work in diverse environments.
However
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, there are some challenges.
Students
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 living away from
home
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 may struggle with homesickness and loneliness, which can affect their emotional well-being.
Additionally
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, financial pressure is another drawback, as rent, food, and daily expenses can be costly compared to living with family. Despite these disadvantages, I believe that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The independence and life
skills
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 gained from living alone prepare
students
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 for future challenges in both their careers and personal lives.
Therefore
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,
while
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 staying at
home
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 offers comfort, the opportunities for growth and self-reliance make living away from
home
Use synonyms
 a more valuable experience.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific skills students often learn while living away from home.
coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the fluidity of your transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Using linking phrases could improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging both benefits and disadvantages of living away from home, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up your argument, outlining your main points clearly and engagingly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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