IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, young people move to cities leaving their homes in rural areas for work or study. What do you think are the reasons for it? Do you think advantages for moving to cities outweigh disadvantages?

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It is very often that
people
Use synonyms
 leave their hometowns
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faith
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the possibility
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 a better life in metropolitan
cities
Use synonyms
. There are several bullet points of
this
Linking Words
 migration,
such
Linking Words
 as
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
show examples
 of employment opportunities and the idea of better welfare.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it damages not only the countryside but
also
Linking Words
 the entire economy of the country, since
this
Linking Words
 attitude
localizing
Wrong verb form
localises
show examples
 every single
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 and industrial
activities
Change to a singular noun
activity
show examples
 to a specific location. In my opinion,
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 significantly outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
. On the one hand,
Correct article usage
the millenial
show examples
millenial
Correct your spelling
millennial
 generation is the world's future, so they should be well-educated.
In addition
Linking Words
, they must have
acquire
Change the form of the verb
acquired
show examples
 experience by working in
large cap
Add a hyphen
large-cap
show examples
 companies.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 cannot
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 in small towns,
however
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,
mega
Correct your spelling
megacities
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 stand out with these opportunities. As many large companies redirect their investments to large
cities
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 every facility appears in these locations. It is inevitable to stop
enhancement
Correct article usage
the enhancement
show examples
 of cosmopolitan
cities
Use synonyms
. Young
people
Use synonyms
 are in a good trend of
act
Wrong verb form
acting
show examples
 by moving towards
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
big
cities
Use synonyms
. A recent study indicates that
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
show examples
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Istanbul is more than 75%
while
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 it is only 34% in Gaziantep, which is a small town
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Turkey.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
apporach
Correct your spelling
approach
 profoundly
diminish
Correct subject-verb agreement
diminishes
show examples
 the industrial and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 development of other sides of the country.
Thus
Linking Words
, it shrinks the economic balance of different regions, and
this
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 policy increases the tendency
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more migration.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 loop can
be disrupt
Change the verb form
be disrupted
show examples
 only by
encourging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
 business investments
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other areas. Meanwhile, education services must be improved and broadly disseminated. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in France, in the 1990s 97% of the trading acts
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in Paris.
Thereafter
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good political and governmental decisions raised
people
Use synonyms
's
opt
Replace the word
option
show examples
of moving
Change preposition
to move
show examples
 their businesses to other parts of France. In conclusion, social and financial problems lead
people
Use synonyms
 to move
Change preposition
to mega
show examples
mega
Correct your spelling
megacities
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
apporach
Correct your spelling
approach
highly
Add a missing verb
is highly
show examples
 harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the country's economy.
Drawbacks
Correct article usage
The drawbacks
show examples
 of excessive migration can not be overlooked for the sake of society.

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coherence and cohesion
Clarify the introduction by rephrasing or elaborating on the main points to enhance clarity.
task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction to establish your position on the topic more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas and paragraphs to create a smoother flow in your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all terminology is used accurately and check for minor spelling errors (e.g., 'apporach' should be 'approach').
task achievement
Integrate more varied and specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument about the impacts of migration to cities, indicating strong analytical skills.
task achievement
The use of statistical data (employment rates) adds credibility to your points and shows your ability to incorporate research.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment opportunities
  • career growth
  • educational facilities
  • universities
  • technical colleges
  • specialized institutions
  • infrastructure
  • amenities
  • healthcare facilities
  • public transportation systems
  • cultural activities
  • recreational activities
  • cost of living
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • career advancement
  • government policies
  • mitigate downsides
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