Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think that changes have been very positive, while others believe they have been negative. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

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With the advancement of technology,
people
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's
lives
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significantly changed compared to the past. Some
people
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state that the changes improved the
world
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in a positive way,
while
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others argue that the new way of living brought negative impacts. From my point of view, I believe that the shift in our
lives
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improved many things.
To begin
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with, the advent of technology
such
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as the internet and computers contributed to establishing a convenient
life
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and reducing old
hastles
Correct your spelling
hassles
castles

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in daily
life
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. With the spread of the internet, employees can work online without commuting to the office. Students can
also
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read E-books
instead
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of real books in libraries. The statistics by Tokyo University revealed that more than 80% of
people
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feel that their
lives
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

became
Wrong verb form
have become

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb became. Consider changing it.

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more convenient with technology.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the internet
connected
Wrong verb form
connects

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb connected. Consider changing it.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from all over the
world
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. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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international communication is easy, and
people
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can talk with others abroad with just one click on the phone. Certainly, I admit that there are downsides to the
comtemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary

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way of
life
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. The notable disadvantage is an
overall
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

decline
of
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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physical interactions. Since messaging applications and chat services
developed
Add a missing verb
were developed

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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, there are only
few
Change the article
a few

It appears that the phrase only does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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occasions that require face-to-face conversations. Some
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are concerned about
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

situation, by bringing up the point that less physical communication contributes to poor child development.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words

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the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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survey conducted by the Ministry of Health in Japan, children under 10 years old with frequent exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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internet-related activities have lower problem-solving skills compared to those who do not.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the recent transitions in many sectors not only made
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's
life
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

convenient
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

contributed to connecting the
world
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. Despite the disadvantages including less face-to-face communication, I believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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convenient
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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connected
world
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject benefits of the convenient life and the connected world. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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paramount.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is why I support the idea that the recent changes in
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'

It seems that humans may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
lives
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are positive.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each point made has clear examples to support your claims. For instance, when discussing the decline of physical interactions, you might elaborate further on the implications on mental health or social skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure and using linking words to enhance the flow of your ideas. This will improve coherence between paragraphs and sentences.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear opinion and explores both sides of the argument effectively, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphing and a distinct introduction and conclusion, enhancing readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Technological advancements
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Nuclear family
  • Extended family
  • Life expectancy
  • Healthcare improvements
  • mental health
  • Environmental degradation
  • Traditional family structures
  • Industrialization
  • Urbanization
  • Consumption patterns
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