IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think that changes have been very positive, while others believe they have been negative. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

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With the advancement of technology,
people
Use synonyms
's
lives
Use synonyms
 significantly changed compared to the past. Some
people
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 state that the changes improved the
world
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 in a positive way,
while
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 others argue that the new way of living brought negative impacts. From my point of view, I believe that the shift in our
lives
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 improved many things.
To begin
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 with, the advent of technology
such
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 as the internet and computers contributed to establishing a convenient
life
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 and reducing old
hastles
Correct your spelling
hassles
castles
 in daily
life
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. With the spread of the internet, employees can work online without commuting to the office. Students can
also
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 read E-books
instead
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 of real books in libraries. The statistics by Tokyo University revealed that more than 80% of
people
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 feel that their
lives
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became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more convenient with technology.
Furthermore
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, the internet
connected
Wrong verb form
connects
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 from all over the
world
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. Nowadays,
the
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apply
show examples
international communication is easy, and
people
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 can talk with others abroad with just one click on the phone. Certainly, I admit that there are downsides to the
comtemporary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
 way of
life
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. The notable disadvantage is an
overall
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 decline
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical interactions. Since messaging applications and chat services
developed
Add a missing verb
were developed
show examples
, there are only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 occasions that require face-to-face conversations. Some
people
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 are concerned about
this
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 situation, by bringing up the point that less physical communication contributes to poor child development.
For example
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,
according to
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 survey conducted by the Ministry of Health in Japan, children under 10 years old with frequent exposure to
the
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apply
show examples
internet-related activities have lower problem-solving skills compared to those who do not.
To sum up
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, the recent transitions in many sectors not only made
people
Use synonyms
's
life
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 convenient
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
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 contributed to connecting the
world
Use synonyms
. Despite the disadvantages including less face-to-face communication, I believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 convenient
life
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 and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 connected
world
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 paramount.
This
Linking Words
 is why I support the idea that the recent changes in
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
show examples
lives
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 are positive.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that each point made has clear examples to support your claims. For instance, when discussing the decline of physical interactions, you might elaborate further on the implications on mental health or social skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure and using linking words to enhance the flow of your ideas. This will improve coherence between paragraphs and sentences.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear opinion and explores both sides of the argument effectively, which shows a good understanding of the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphing and a distinct introduction and conclusion, enhancing readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Technological advancements
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Nuclear family
  • Extended family
  • Life expectancy
  • Healthcare improvements
  • mental health
  • Environmental degradation
  • Traditional family structures
  • Industrialization
  • Urbanization
  • Consumption patterns
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