IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, the average life expectancy has been increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

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There is no denying the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 now are living longer
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 than before which
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
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 the
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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of
Change preposition
in
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 population.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the
issues
Use synonyms
 that have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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resulted from increasing average life and some solutions to reduce the impact of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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issues
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, there are many effects
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 increasing
life
Correct article usage
the life
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 average.
Firstly
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,
invironmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
issues
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
's needs are increasing as the
umber
Correct your spelling
number
show examples
 of
people
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 is increasing. And
therefore
Linking Words
, their
consume
Replace the word
consumption
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 of natural
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
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 will increase which will cause a lot of environmental problems like pollution and desertification.
In addition
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, many global
issues
Use synonyms
 are possible to appear
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 problem.
For example
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, stratification and poverty and that by
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
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 can cause homelessness. In terms of the solutions, rules
ans
Correct your spelling
and
 laws can help to reduce the population. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that if the government put a strict law
for example
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 each family can have only one or two
child
Change to a plural noun
children
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 will reduce the number of
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, arranging
combaigns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 and lectures to raise individuals' awareness about
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and how
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
it
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, in companies and
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these places contain a lot of adults and parents. In conclusion, there are many effects on citizens and societies
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 problem like global and
invironmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 that should be tackled.
Whereas
Linking Words
, there are a lot of solutions that can be done to reduce the risks of overpopulation.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define key terms such as 'average life expectancy' at the beginning. This helps in setting the context for your argument. Additionally, try to answer the second part of the prompt that asks for measures that can be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations more comprehensively.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using linking words more effectively. For example, instead of starting the second paragraph with 'To begin with,' you might say, 'One of the major effects of increasing life expectancy is...' This creates a better flow of ideas.
grammar
Check for spelling and grammatical errors, and make necessary corrections (e.g., 'invironmetal' should be 'environmental', and 'ans' should be 'and'). These minor errors can distract from the argument you're making and affect readability.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on examples, providing specific details to strengthen your arguments. For instance, when mentioning 'government laws,' you could provide an existing example from a country that has successfully implemented such policies. This would enhance the relevance of your ideas.
introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and stated the intention of your essay, which is important for engaging the reader.
task achievement
You identified a range of issues related to increasing life expectancy and suggested some potential solutions, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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