IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Q. Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world,
both
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parents
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 and
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school
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schools
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 have significant responsibility
on
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for
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 the
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children
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children's
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development
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. It is often argued that
parents
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 should be involved in
moral
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the moral
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development
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 of
kids
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. Some people believe that
school
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 is the foremost
place
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 to teach how to be a good member of society.
Parents
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 and
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 must
cooperately
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cooperatively
corporately
cooperate
 work
togather
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together
 to teach public rules to youngsters. In
this
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 essay, I will emphasize
advantages
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the advantages
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 and disadvantages of
both
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 views.
One
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On
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 the one hand,
parents
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 play a very pivotal role
for
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in
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 their
children
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's
development
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, since
children
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 only
spends
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spend
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 time with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 mother and father until age 6.
Thus
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, adults have a very long time period to teach
kids
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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ethics and morality. 6
years
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year
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 old kid should be knowledgeable about how to act in public.
For instance
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,
children
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 must understand the destructiveness of speaking loudly in public or they should be aware
of
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that
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 hurting people is not a good attitude.
Furthermore
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, these are the
behaviors
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behaviours
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 that are in
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the responsability
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responsability
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responsibility
 of
family
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the family
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.
As a result
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,
parents
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 should not redirect their tasks to
schools
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 because they are paramount as much as
schools
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.
On the other hand
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,
education
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educational
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 institutions
also
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 have a profound influence on
children
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's social and
behavioral
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behavioural
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development
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. The reason behind
of
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apply
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this
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 statement is institutions are the first
place
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 that
children
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 encounter
with
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apply
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other
kids
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.
Consequently
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, it is
most
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the most
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 correct
place
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 to express other social rules of
the
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apply
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society, which have
not
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not to
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 teach by
parents
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.
In addition
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, these rules can be how to talk with strangers or how to eat in
community
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the community
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. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in canteens of
schools
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,
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while
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where
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 primary
school
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 students eat much dirtier than secondary
school
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 students
,
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apply
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 because they have not learned yet. So,
schools
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 stand out as a crucial
place
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 for
children
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's social evolution. In conclusion, parental and academic
apporaches
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approaches
 are not solely enough for
kids
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' enhancement.
Therefore
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, the most pragmatic
solutioncan
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solution can
solution
 be the combination of
both
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 contexts, since
both
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fills
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fill
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others
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other
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lackness
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blackness
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify and expand on the ideas you present; some points could be more developed for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary; small inaccuracies can distract the reader and affect understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs transition smoothly from one point to another; consider using linking phrases more effectively.
task achievement
You presented both views effectively and acknowledged their significance; this shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarized the arguments, offering a balanced perspective; this is a strength in your essay.
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