IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many developing countries, there is a problem of declining quality of air and water. What are the causes for this and what measures could be taken to prevent this?

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In most
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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air
Use synonyms
 and water pollution gradually increase over decades. There are several main factors which significantly impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pollution,
such
Linking Words
 as excessive car
usage
Use synonyms
 and broad consumption of deodorants. One of the most pragmatic solutions can be introducing a car-sharing scheme and encouraging natural activists to
promote
Verb problem
apply
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conduct seminars and workshops in schools. On the one hand, in recent centuries, people become more detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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. The contemporary trends are encouraging
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to use devastating products,
such
Linking Words
 as cars which use fossil fuels to power and deodorants with highly contaminated ingredients.
This
Linking Words
 wide
usage
Use synonyms
 of these harmful items
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the result of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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globalisation.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 effect
emerge
Change the verb form
emerges
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 a certain damages to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
For instance
Linking Words
, diminishing quality of
air
Use synonyms
 and water endangers
humans'
Change noun form
humans
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 lung health, it is proved by the specific research which is conducted by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Stanford University. It indicates that every 2% of quality shrinking increases possibility of the lung cancer by 5%.
As a result
Linking Words
, researchers warn societies about the excessive
usage
Use synonyms
 of contaminated products. Many scientists propose multiple remedies for the dilemma,
firstly
Linking Words
, the car-sharing scheme is the most pragmatic solution for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private vehicle overuse.
Although
Linking Words
 individuals acquire multiple advantages by using their private cars, they cause natural degradation. The car-sharing model promotes that people who are
locating
Wrong verb form
located
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 in the same residence must use a single car for their daily
usage
Use synonyms
. So,
this
Linking Words
 policy limits car
usage
Use synonyms
 in a family by 1.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, natural activists should be supported by the government to inform youngsters about natural collapse
due to
Linking Words
 insignificant
usage
Use synonyms
 of deodorants. They contain a huge amount of chemicals which alter the
air
Use synonyms
's freshness.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
show examples
 generation should be more aware of
this
Linking Words
 problematic situation,
thus
Linking Words
 they need to be informed by the experts.
Therefore
Linking Words
, educative seminars and workshops must be held in institutions. In conclusion, a big proportion of the world suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
air
Use synonyms
 and water pollution. It is not inevitable,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it should not be overlooked.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, steps must be taken,
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the knowledge of the community and using
car-sharing
Add an article
the car-sharing
a car-sharing
show examples
 model.

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Task Response
The introduction presents the topic but could benefit from clearer expressions of both the causes and solutions right from the start. Consider explicitly stating both elements to make the essay's direction clearer to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
While there are main ideas present, some points lack clear development and logical flow. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain coherence. More clear linking phrases could enhance this.
Task Response
Consider providing additional specific examples or case studies to support claims made, especially in relation to the consequences of pollution and the effectiveness of proposed measures.
Task Achievement
The essay clearly identifies major causes of pollution and suggests practical solutions, reflecting a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of specific statistics from a credible source enhances the argument about health effects, demonstrating a capacity for evidence-based reasoning.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rapid industrialization
  • emission
  • pollutants
  • greenhouse gases
  • urbanization
  • population growth
  • environmental regulations
  • enforcement
  • agricultural runoffs
  • renewable energy sources
  • waste management
  • public awareness
  • ecosystems
  • filters
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