IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that robots will replace many jobs, others think that technology will create new job opportunities. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion

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There are many people arguing that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computers will replace humans,
while
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the
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apply
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other say it is impossible to change all
labors
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labor
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as
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to
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a
Remove the article
apply
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artificial intelligence(
A.I.
Correct your spelling
AI
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). They can do a task faster than people,
although
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 the result of
that is
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 inaccurate as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 did. In
this
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 essay, I will describe both points of view and
tell
Verb problem
give
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 my own opinion. On the one hand, people think that
the
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aritificial
Correct your spelling
artificial
 intelligence could do the jobs which
human
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humans
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did
Wrong verb form
do
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 by hand.
This
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 is a common phenomenon
which
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in which
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robots
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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simple tasks
such
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 as manufacturing products. Because they are not feeling tired and doing the tasks very quickly, employers prefer to use them than
person
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people
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.
For instance
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, in
factory
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factories
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, most of the manufacturing realm is being conducted by specialized
robots
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. After the usage of that, the speed of making was dramatically
rised
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raised
risen
rise
, and it brought a bigger profit to companies.
On the other hand
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, it is apparent that
robots
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 cannot replace human
being
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beings
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 because they cannot consider complex circumstances
such
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 as proceeding
a
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with a
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surgey
Correct your spelling
surgery
,
interpret
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interpreting
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 conversations and so on. A.I. only do an assignment, following the system made by human programming. The research conducted by Yonsei University Hospital has shown that the Artificial Intelligence Doctor couldn't understand the sophisticated situation, so their programme recommended an awkward solution to emergency
situation
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situations
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 in
hospital
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the hospital
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.
This
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 could lead the patient in a critical condition, so doctors had to supervise them all the time they used.
To sum up
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,
while
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robots
Use synonyms
 are quick and profitable in many ways, still there is a need
to
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for
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 human
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 in many industries. In conclusion, we should consider the best way to coexist with computers in the future.

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language
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'aritificial' instead of 'artificial', and use of plural vs. singular forms.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas better. For example, use linking phrases to show the contrast between the two views more clearly.
task achievement
Provide a clearer concluding statement that sums up your opinion strongly. Your current conclusion is brief and could be more impactful.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples you provided, like the manufacturing realm and the hospital scenario, are relevant and enhance your argument.
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