Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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We live in
this
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world
that
Correct word choice
where
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music
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is one of
important
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the important
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things in our lives.
Therefore
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,it has a huge impact
in
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on
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every one of us. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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I will explain my point of view and my suggestion to it. Most of us think that
music
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is just
an
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apply
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entertainment, and it's everywhere. Having a band group or just
simple
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simply
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attend
Wrong verb form
attending
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concert
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a concert
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after
the
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a
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long day
hard
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of hard
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work, makes us feel better and
relax
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relaxed
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.
Moreover
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, we take it for granted, and we never truly understand the meaning of it.
For instance
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, people
thinks
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think
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that if you join some
music
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group, it's just a hobby and a
past time
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pastime
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. Learning
new
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a new
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musical instrument or listening to
music
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from
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on
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the radio it's just
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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thing and we can't earn a lot through
music
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.
On the other hand
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, to other
people
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people,
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music
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is their life the way they see it is part of them. It can
gives
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give
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a lot of good health benefits to
human
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humans
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.
For example
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,
according to
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
listening to one song in a day
it
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apply
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can reduce the stress and anxiety of
the
Correct article usage
a
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person.
Furthermore
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, it can release the real emotion of an individual through melody, if they feel sad or happy they can relate to the song.
Also
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, there
a
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are a
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lot of people who are
talentend
Correct your spelling
talented
when it comes to
music
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, a great singer,
composer
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composers
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, and
muscians
Correct your spelling
musicians
were
Wrong verb form
are
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talented in
this
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genre. In conclusion, I believe
music
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is important we live every day through sound and
music
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. Sometimes even the
song
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songs
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with different language we can still feel the emotion without knowing the words.
Besides
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, without it earth will be dull and not happy to live in.

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task response
The introduction could better outline the arguments that will be discussed in the essay. It should clearly indicate that both views will be examined.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to summarize the main idea and improve overall structure. This will help guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical issues (e.g., 'a reasearch' should be 'research', 'gives' should be 'give'). This will enhance clarity and professionalism.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to back up your points. For instance, mentioning specific studies or personal experiences would increase the relevance and depth of your arguments.
task response
You provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the impact of music, which shows a clear understanding of the task.
task response
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and presents a strong statement about music's importance in our lives.
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