Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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We live in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

world
that
Correct word choice
where

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is one of
important
Add an article
the important

The phrase one of important things may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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things in our lives.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,it has a huge impact
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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every one of us. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay
Add a comma
essay,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In this essay. Consider adding a comma.

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I will explain my point of view and my suggestion to it. Most of us think that
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is just
an
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, an, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun entertainment in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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entertainment, and it's everywhere. Having a band group or just
simple
Change the word
simply

Simple seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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attend
Wrong verb form
attending

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb attend. Consider changing it.

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concert
Correct article usage
a concert

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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after
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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long day
hard
Change preposition
of hard

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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work, makes us feel better and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb relax. Consider changing it.

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.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we take it for granted, and we never truly understand the meaning of it.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people
thinks
Change the verb form
think

The verb thinks does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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that if you join some
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

group, it's just a hobby and a
past time
Correct your spelling
pastime

The word past time doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. Learning
new
Add an article
a new

The noun phrase new musical instrument seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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musical instrument or listening to
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the radio it's just
normal
Correct article usage
a normal

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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thing and we can't earn a lot through
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to other
people
Add a comma
people,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase to other people. Consider adding a comma.

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music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is their life the way they see it is part of them. It can
gives
Change the verb form
give

The verb gives after the modal verb can does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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a lot of good health benefits to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans

It seems that human may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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reasearch
Correct your spelling
research

If you don’t want reasearch to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

listening to one song in a day
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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can reduce the stress and anxiety of
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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person.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can release the real emotion of an individual through melody, if they feel sad or happy they can relate to the song.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there
a
Add a missing verb
are a

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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lot of people who are
talentend
Correct your spelling
talented

If you don’t want talentend to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

when it comes to
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, a great singer,
composer
Fix the agreement mistake
composers

It seems that composer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, and
muscians
Correct your spelling
musicians

If you don’t want muscians to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

were
Wrong verb form
are

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb were. Consider changing it.

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talented in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

genre. In conclusion, I believe
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is important we live every day through sound and
music
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Sometimes even the
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs

It seems that song may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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with different language we can still feel the emotion without knowing the words.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, without it earth will be dull and not happy to live in.

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task response
The introduction could better outline the arguments that will be discussed in the essay. It should clearly indicate that both views will be examined.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to summarize the main idea and improve overall structure. This will help guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical issues (e.g., 'a reasearch' should be 'research', 'gives' should be 'give'). This will enhance clarity and professionalism.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to back up your points. For instance, mentioning specific studies or personal experiences would increase the relevance and depth of your arguments.
task response
You provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the impact of music, which shows a clear understanding of the task.
task response
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and presents a strong statement about music's importance in our lives.
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