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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, while others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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We live in
this
Linking Words
 world
that
Correct word choice
where
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music
Use synonyms
 is one of
important
Add an article
the important
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 things in our lives.
Therefore
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 ,it has a huge impact
in
Change preposition
on
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 every one of us. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain my point of view and my suggestion to it. Most of us think that
music
Use synonyms
 is just
an
Remove the article
apply
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entertainment, and it's everywhere. Having a band group or just
simple
Change the word
simply
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attend
Wrong verb form
attending
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concert
Correct article usage
a concert
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 after
the
Correct article usage
a
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 long day
hard
Change preposition
of hard
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 work, makes us feel better and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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.
Moreover
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, we take it for granted, and we never truly understand the meaning of it.
For instance
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, people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that if you join some
music
Use synonyms
 group, it's just a hobby and a
past time
Correct your spelling
pastime
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. Learning
new
Add an article
a new
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 musical instrument or listening to
music
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
on
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 the radio it's just
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
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 thing and we can't earn a lot through
music
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, to other
people
Add a comma
people,
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music
Use synonyms
 is their life the way they see it is part of them. It can
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 a lot of good health benefits to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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.
For example
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,
according to
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 listening to one song in a day
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can reduce the stress and anxiety of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person.
Furthermore
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, it can release the real emotion of an individual through melody, if they feel sad or happy they can relate to the song.
Also
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, there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
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lot of people who are
talentend
Correct your spelling
talented
 when it comes to
music
Use synonyms
, a great singer,
composer
Fix the agreement mistake
composers
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, and
muscians
Correct your spelling
musicians
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 talented in
this
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 genre. In conclusion, I believe
music
Use synonyms
 is important we live every day through sound and
music
Use synonyms
. Sometimes even the
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
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 with different language we can still feel the emotion without knowing the words.
Besides
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, without it earth will be dull and not happy to live in.

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task response
The introduction could better outline the arguments that will be discussed in the essay. It should clearly indicate that both views will be examined.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to summarize the main idea and improve overall structure. This will help guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical issues (e.g., 'a reasearch' should be 'research', 'gives' should be 'give'). This will enhance clarity and professionalism.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to back up your points. For instance, mentioning specific studies or personal experiences would increase the relevance and depth of your arguments.
task response
You provided a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on the impact of music, which shows a clear understanding of the task.
task response
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and presents a strong statement about music's importance in our lives.
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