IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people strive to maintain successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this cause? What are the possible solutions?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 keep a balance between a successful
career
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 and a happy family life that seems solid.
Consequences
Correct article usage
The consequences
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 of
mantaining
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maintaining
 both things will affect mental
health
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.
This
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essays
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essay
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 maintains that the more
people
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 separate personal
time
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 from
other thing
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another thing
other things
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, it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 the effectiveness of life.
Firstly
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, the reason why
people
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 strive for both aspects is
due to
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 their capabilities and hope for improvement for their family. Chronic
stress
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 levels may appear on different
level
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levels
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 for everybody, continuity of
stress
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level
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levels
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 that don't finish will lead to mental and physical
health
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 issues.
For example
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, my friend who excels in family and
career
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 has
diagnose
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diagnosed
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 with physical
health
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 issues because
the
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of the
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 overwork that she did in the past, she need to change her
career
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due to
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 the unstable condition of her physical
health
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. The next paragraph will explore a potential solution on how to
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 family and
career
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 balance so they don't rush themselves. One potential measure is having more personal
time
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 in balancing
career
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 and family. The things
people
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 could do are self-care, hobbies, and interests that contribute to
overall
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 happiness. An example is using a mask before sleep or turning on the candle before sleep affects their mood. By looking at simple things, a room for
a
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apply
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personal
time
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 is required to be scheduled for
people
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 who have risks of
high
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high-stress
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stress
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 levels.
To conclude
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, keeping on schedule for having
a
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apply
show examples
personal
time
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 will decrease the
stress
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 hormone. The possibility of maintaining a successful
career
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 and a happy family is still high as long as they prioritize themselves.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive analysis of issues and their solutions. For example, discuss more potential problems of balancing career and family life, such as time management or relationships.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using clear linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your work for grammatical errors and word choice issues. This will enhance clarity and convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Your identification of stress as a consequence of balancing career and family is relevant and insightful.
task achievement
You provided examples and recommendations to support your points, which is a positive aspect of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balance
  • commitment
  • responsibility
  • stress management
  • quality time
  • burnout
  • time constraints
  • work-life integration
  • personal fulfillment
  • stress levels
  • prioritization
  • self-care
  • productivity
  • mental health
  • healthy relationships
What to do next:
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