IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries and professions, employees are not allowed to work beyond a certain age. This policy is supposed to reduce accidents. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this policy

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Naturally, as humans grow older, the range of motion and productivity
tend
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tends
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 to decrease.
Therefore
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, most nations and jobs limit the involvements of older
employees
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, which is perceived as a means to reduce the rate of accidents at
work place
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workplace
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.
While
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 most companies will benefit
form
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from
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 aged
workers
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, through their
experience
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 and expertise, alongside their ability to provide mentorship and training. There are some unforeseen disadvantages,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 physical limitation and
health related
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health-related
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 problems. Which I will discuss
further
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 below. The primary benefit of having older
employees
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 consists of their ability to provide guidance and training . particularly to
the
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apply
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newly employed individuals, in order to prevent mistakes, that can cause harm, especially in
absence
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the absence
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 of
supervisor
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a supervisor
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 at the time of need. Another advantage of keeping over-aged
workers
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 include
,
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apply
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 their capacity to demonstrate
experience
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 and expertise. Most
employees
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 who worked for certain years obtain
experience
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 and are
expert
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experts
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 in their field
due to
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 familiarity with activities.
For instance
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, when it comes to handling some
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 or skills to communicate
according to
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 company ethics, older
workers
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 might have
experience
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 in displaying that, and
this
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 can
consequently
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 reduce miscommunication
error
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errors
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. There
is
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are
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,
however
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,
an
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apply
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obvious disadvantages that aged
workers
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posses
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possess
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,
such
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 as physical
limitation
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limitations
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, which can slow the company’s chance to meet
up with
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apply
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certain demands. A
further
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 major drawback can be
health related
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health-related
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 issues, as
majority
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the majority
a majority
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 of
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the aging
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aging
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ageing
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 population
tend
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tends
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 to develop one or more illnesses,
such
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 as dementia, and
this
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 can lead to less retentive memory in
workplace
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the workplace
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 which can cause mistakes, and in
turn
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turn,
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 result
to
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in
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 harmful
outcome
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outcomes
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 through misclassification of vital information’s.
Moreover
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, some
illness
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illnesses
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such
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 as
,
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apply
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 osteoporosis may encourage
absentees
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absenteeism
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 at work, which can cause workload on other
employees
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, causing stress and potential accidents. In conclusion, having older
workers
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 would certainly bring
experience
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 and
also
Linking Words
 mentorship skills to a company or country.
Nevertheless
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, there would
also
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 be considerable negative effects, which include physical constraints and
health related
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health-related
show examples
problem
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problems
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.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating the key points that will be discussed. Providing a brief overview of both advantages and disadvantages would help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
In the paragraph about advantages, use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
task achievement
In the drawback section, consider providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments about health-related issues and their impact on the workplace.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you proofread for minor grammatical errors and typos, as these can distract the reader. For instance, 'such as' should not include a comma afterward.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses both sides of the topic, addressing the advantages of older employees and the associated drawbacks.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as mentorship and experience, adds depth to your argument and helps clarify your points.
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