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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What are the reasons for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

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Health
Use synonyms
 is the most important aspect of a person’s
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
long life, but in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 era
considarable
Correct your spelling
considerable
 amount of mankind are facing the risk of
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 and it has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 a trending question, the major areas which effecting
this
Linking Words
 cause are unhealthy diet
practise
Change the verb form
practises
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
exsessive
Correct your spelling
excessive
 consumption of junk
food
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend can be break by making the individual aware about the danger and promoting a healthy lifestyle. First and foremost,
due to
Linking Words
 the huge responsibilities each
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 carrying nowadays
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 have
forgotton
Correct your spelling
forgotten
 how important to maintain their
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
 to perform their daily routine, that
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind into
Correct article usage
an inporoper
show examples
inporoper
Correct your spelling
improper
proper
 meal plan
due to
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
limitation
Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
show examples
.
And
Correct word choice
Usually
show examples
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not get a chance to eat on
time
Use synonyms
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in the mornings and
this
Linking Words
navigate
Verb problem
leads
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to critical
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another significant cause is
heavy
Correct article usage
the heavy
show examples
 usage of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 present human beings
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
greatly rely on junk
food
Use synonyms
 the
issues
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
Use synonyms
 are not only it does not
contribute
Verb problem
have
show examples
 any positive effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 it
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
 rapidly. It is
undenable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
untenable
 that the major reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 to reconsider
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their meal plan because of that,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to eat whatever
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 they have easy access
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 the
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 conducted by
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 organization reveals that 45% of
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
personal
Replace the word
personnel
show examples
 are suffering from overweight
isses
Correct your spelling
issues
 and they
further
Linking Words
 site that, the
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
further
Linking Words
 incline when
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 to developed countries.
This
Linking Words
 highlights that
due to
Linking Words
imporper
Correct your spelling
improper
 diet and fast foods lead
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to become
over
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 these problems exist,
people
Use synonyms
 can still fight
againts
Correct your spelling
against
this
Linking Words
hazzard
Correct your spelling
hazard
. The primary action to take in order to overcome
this
Linking Words
, make aware the
people
Use synonyms
 the potential diseases involve with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exeeding
Correct your spelling
exceeding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 mass
Change preposition
with repect
show examples
repect
Correct your spelling
respect
 to their height.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, government should step
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
this
Linking Words
 and they should take
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 action to promote
Correct article usage
a healty
show examples
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 the crowd, some action they could take
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
invest
Fix the infinitive
to invest
show examples
adequate
Change preposition
in adequate
show examples
 funding to develop
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 gyms and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 centers. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example government of Sudan allocate 200million dollars from the government inventory to maintain their
residence
Replace the word
residents
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 and channel BBC mention that because of
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
strategy
stratergy
Add a comma
stratergy,
show examples
 Sudanian’s efficiency has
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
significanly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 and the productivity of the
people
Use synonyms
 has risen from 35% to 50% within 2 years of
time
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the the
health
Use synonyms
issues
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
over
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 can be fought and
mitigate
Wrong verb form
mitigated
show examples
. In conclusion,
excess
Correct article usage
the excess
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the individual
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a major threat to
well
Add an article
the well
show examples
 being of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind and the possible reasons for
that is
Linking Words
 neglecting the importance of a balanced
dieat
Correct your spelling
diet
as well as
Linking Words
 the excessive use of fast foods, anyway,
this
Linking Words
 problem still can
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
show examples
 by making
awere
Correct your spelling
aware
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 on
potentioal
Correct your spelling
potential
 danger and promoting healthy lifestyle. Yet, it is everyone’s
responsibiliy
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fit
Add an article
a fit
show examples
while
Linking Words
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 their
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
 under
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 safe
margine
Correct your spelling
margin
margins
 to improve their quality of life.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your points are clearly related to the question asked and directly address the reasons and solutions for the growth in overweight individuals.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of information and make sure that ideas are well connected. Use a variety of linking words to enhance coherence.
General Writing
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling and grammar to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, particularly in your discussion of government intervention and its effects in Sudan.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers both reasons for and solutions to the problem, which is a balanced approach to the task.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Obesity
  • Processed foods
  • Caloric intake
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Nutritional education
  • Metabolic rate
  • Physical inactivity
  • Dietary habits
  • Health literacy
  • Psychological well-being
  • Chronic diseases
  • Body mass index (BMI)
  • Lifestyle modifications
  • Preventive measures
  • Healthcare interventions
  • Food deserts
  • Portion control
  • Weight management
  • Exercise regimen
  • Public health policy
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