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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In nearly all science courses at university, there are significantly more male students than female students. What is the reason for this? What could be done to balance out the number?

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In recent years, most
of
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apply
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science
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 studies at universities have been dominated by male
students
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 compared with females. The reason might be because of their interest in different subjects.
Therefore
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, balancing the number of male and female
students
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 needs to be considered by the college. Nowadays, there been found that different passions can influence student choice for subjects in the university. Because of that, there are fewer female
students
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 than males in the
science
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 subject.
This
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 situation might be because the females prefer to take other subjects
such
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 as arts and languages. These disciplines are more practical for life.
For example
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, performing arts is more interesting and easier to get a job related to it.
On the other hand
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, some people think unbalances of gender amount in
science
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 are crucial to
fixed
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fix
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. One of the ways to solve
this
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 is to make regulations that consist of the number of quotas for each gender of
students
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.
For instance
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, institutions can show the regulations on their website so their candidates will consider their choice of course.
Then
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 the other way is to make a promotion for
science
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,
such
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 as scholars and connection to a certain workplace.
For example
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of
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scholars is a tuition discount for the first and
last
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 semester. Another example is facilitating a job fair
at the end
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 of the semester
so
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to
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 make
students
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 easier to reach their future jobs. In summary, the candidates' passions affect their program choices in the university. To resolve
this
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 situation, the institutions must make quota regulations and promotions to increase their attraction to
science
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define the specific reasons for the gender disparity in science courses, providing more depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas, perhaps by using clearer topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
Enhance the relevance of examples and ensure they directly support your points. For instance, linking the examples of job fairs and tuition discounts more clearly to the argument about attracting female students to science would strengthen your essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
idea formulation
The suggestion of implementing quotas and promoting science-related scholarships demonstrates proactive thinking towards solving the issue.
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