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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart illustrates the difference in
percentage
Use synonyms
 between individuals who are in Australia by birth and those who migrated there residing either in
cities
Use synonyms
, rural areas or towns in the years 1995 and 2010. In overview, there is an increased trend in the rate at which
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to the
cities
Use synonyms
 both apply to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
locals and foreigners in the two years of study. In the
year
Use synonyms
 the 1995 urban population was the highest, followed by the rural population and
lastly
Linking Words
 town residents at 50%, 30% and 20% respectively for the native Australians.
While
Linking Words
 the settlers had a greater
percentage
Use synonyms
 around the
cities
Use synonyms
 compared to the native-born with 60%. Migrants
also
Linking Words
 had more
people
Use synonyms
 in rural areas
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the indigenous
people
Use synonyms
. In the
year
Use synonyms
2010
Add a comma
2010,
show examples
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 for both the natives and the migrants increased to 65% and 80% successively.
This
Linking Words
 is suggestive of rural-urban migration. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in Australia who were living in town and rural areas was equal in the same
year
Use synonyms
 at approximately 18%. The foreigners residing in the rural recorded the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in that
year
Use synonyms
 at roughly 5%.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
cities
Use synonyms
 has rocketed in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010
while
Linking Words
 the number of residents living in rural homes has dropped compared to the
year
Use synonyms
 2005 for both the natives and migrants.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, cities, people, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Demographic
  • Trends
  • Urban areas
  • Rural areas
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Migration patterns
  • Economic factors
  • Government policies
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Steady
  • Peak
  • Trough
  • Time frame
  • Significant changes
  • Distribution
  • Notable
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