IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that the government should invest more money in sports facilities for the public, while others believe it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been an ongoing debate about the
invesment
Correct your spelling
investment
 of government, with some people arguing that it is more important to improve
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it wastes
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint. On the one hand, there are some benefits associated with spending
money
Use synonyms
 to improve the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 buildings for citizens.
Firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays, obesity is becoming one of the critical problems in some developed nations
due to
Linking Words
 the lifestyle with less physical activity. To afford
living-cost
Correct your spelling
living
show examples
, people are forced to work more than 10 hours per day,
thus
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, the time they go to
such
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 of
sports
Use synonyms
 centers
such
Linking Words
 as
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 or swimming
pool
Fix the agreement mistake
pools
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very limited. Constructing more
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities near citizens' areas
such
Linking Words
 as the exercise public machines is an effective way for citizens to access and do.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
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 view claim that it is
money
Use synonyms
 to
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 on
this
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. One strong argument against
this
Linking Words
 idea is that there are other necessary fields
such
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 as healthcare or education
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
show examples
 the government's attention
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of resources
whereas
Linking Words
 going to the
sports
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 is a high-end need. In conclusion, both perspectives offer valid arguments.
However
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, I firmly believe that governments should put attention and
money
Use synonyms
 into
sports
Use synonyms
 facilities but keep balance to other essential fields.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify your arguments more explicitly and connect them to the main thesis. Some points were a bit vague.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate transition words to improve flow and coherence between your ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up an argument to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the need for balance.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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