IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Learning to play team sports is an important part of a child's education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Team
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sports
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is
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are
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 a major part of physical education lessons in schools and I strongly agree that learning them is a crucial part of a child's education.
However
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, some believe most
team
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sports
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, like football and
basketball
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basketball,
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 involve frequent physical contact and
children
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 may get injured playing it.
Therefore
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, many parents do not allow their
children
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 to play
team
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sports
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.
However
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, I do believe the benefits that
team
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sports
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 bring to
children
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outweight
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outweigh
outweighs
 its cons. First and foremost,
children
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 learn
communication
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skills
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 when learning
team
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sports
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. In order to
faciliate
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facilitate
 game plans or tactics, effective
communication
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skills
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 between
teammates
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is
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are
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 essential.
Children
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 can learn how to give directions to
teammates
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 effectively so that
teammates
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 can understand
your
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their
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 ideas and successfully carry them out. In basketball,
teammates
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 constantly give directions to each other to carry out specific plays. They need to keep communicating to maintain a solid defensive structure. Outside of the pitch or court, they
also
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 communicate with their
teammates
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 to build
a
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apply
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good chemistry. Through these experiences in
team
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sports
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, they can build up a good foundation for
communication
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 in work or in the future.
For example
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, communicating with colleagues during a project.
Moreover
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,
children
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 can learn improvisation
skills
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. In
team
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sports
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, there are situations where you need to think quickly to achieve the optimal result.
For example
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, in a football match, when you are winning and there is little time left on the clock, some smart players
with
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apply
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dribble the ball to the opposition corner flag and hold the ball as long as possible.
This
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 is a type of improvisation skill where you make changes to the game plan
according to
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 the situation.
Children
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 can learn
this
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 type of
skills
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 and apply them to work when they face
in
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apply
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emergency situations in the future.
To conclude
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, learning
communication
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 and improvisation
skills
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 are the two core
skills
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 that benefit
children
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.
However
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, they can
also
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 learn leadership and mental
skills
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 during
team
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sports
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.
Therefore
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,
team
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sports
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is
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are
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 very helpful to the development of
children
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.

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task achievement
In the introduction, it would be helpful to clarify your position further by explicitly stating your agreement with the statement and elaborating on the significance of team sports in a child's education.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the transitions between ideas in your paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. For example, in the second paragraph, a clearer transition to the importance of communication skills would strengthen the connection between your points.
task achievement
While you provided some examples, adding a specific personal example or anecdote related to your experience with team sports could enrich your points and further illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Your argument clearly emphasizes the importance of communication and improvisation skills learned through team sports, which are relevant and well-articulated.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good logical structure, with clear main points in each paragraph that support your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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