IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is it appropriate for magazines or newspapers to give this kind of private information about people?

Media
Use synonyms
 profits from the brand.It is really appropriate for many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
newspapers and
media
Use synonyms
 channels.Real private information about stars interested simple
people
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 interested
“famous”
Change preposition
in “famous”
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 -who
just
Add a missing verb
are just
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 simple
mortal
Fix the agreement mistake
mortals
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 like them.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
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 I am never really interested private
life
Use synonyms
 of celebrities. But easy to understand why
people
Use synonyms
so
Add a missing verb
are so
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 obsessed
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.They - “famous” is like
rare
Add an article
the rare
a rare
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 type of person who could become “perfect”.They are
beauty
Replace the word
beautiful
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,rich,they have
lot’s
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lots
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 of fans, and relationships with other celebrities who same have all of
this
Linking Words
 happiness. Because of that fans monitored and observed their private lives from
media
Use synonyms
 news.They wanted to see how so successful
people
Use synonyms
 live in simple
live
Replace the word
lives
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.And
naturally
Add a comma
naturally,
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 will write about their lives. It is so beneficial for
magazines
Change the noun form
magazine
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 writers !
Article
Add an article
The article
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 is interesting,
in
Change preposition
as
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 society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 demand. Not the
last
Linking Words
 thing that it’s every time is actual. For one
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
simple example dream Zendaya.She is
beauty
Replace the word
beautiful
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,young,famous,charismatic,rich,
have
Wrong verb form
has
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boyfriend
Correct article usage
a boyfriend
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,and good ship with her family. All
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 girls
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
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her
Change preposition
in her
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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because they
want
Add the particle
want to
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 be successful like her.They read about her
life
Use synonyms
,childhood,parents,her favourite food,
try
Add the particle
try to
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 copy it and do the same things in their own
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 chain of
events
Add a comma
events,
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role.They stand after
Add an article
the event
an event
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event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 when girls start
known
Change the verb form
to know
show examples
,interested
Change preposition
in herself
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herself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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.At
this
Linking Words
 moment all
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 starts searching
about
Change preposition
for
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 her to show her to
people
Use synonyms
,to give them relevant information.
Media
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 sell “her”-meaning her personality,her lifestyle,diet,fashion sense,music taste,charisma
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.Million fans who wanted the same dress
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 hers,
this
Linking Words
 dress became so popular that it will new fashion style. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
media
Use synonyms
 made millions and billions
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
life stranger
Fix the agreement mistake
lives strangers
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them
people
Use synonyms
 ,transforming celebrities
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 brands that show
“
Correct article usage
a “success
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success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
life
Use synonyms
” which dream for simple mortals.

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task achievement
Introduce a clear thesis statement that outlines your main argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly, which will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs clearly relate to one main idea and include topic sentences to guide the reader.
relevance and engagement
You've successfully presented a subject that engages readers and relates to their interests.
specific examples
Your examples, like Zendaya, provide relevant context for your points, making your argument more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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