IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?

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Individuals should not be afraid of taking
risks
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 in their lives, particularly in their occupational and personal
decisions
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. It is very often believed that every risk
bring
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brings
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 reward,
nonetheless
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,
usually
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usually,
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 it is not the reality. If a decision
did
Verb problem
is
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 not well evaluated,
then
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 it may reveal bad consequences.
In contrast
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, taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 can be very rewarding in professionals' hands.
Moreover
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, it can help to double step
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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forward. In my opinion,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 clearly outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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, because I strongly believe that unintentionally
taken
Wrong verb form
taking
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risks
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 may cause unreturnable dilemmas. On the one hand, expert individuals often take
risks
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 to acquire more rewards than
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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usual. It is very significant to highlight that they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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usually support their
risks
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 with the power of mathematics.
Thus
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, those
risks
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 are not actual gambles, they are forecasted income by science.
Nonetheless
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, it is profound to integrate science
to
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into
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decisions
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, and most people cannot achieve
this
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 attitude.
For instance
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, stock traders are frequently taking
risks
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 as the nature of their job.
However
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, they do calculations and try to predict possible
loss
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losses
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 and maximum profit that could happen in their actions. A study, conducted by Stanford University, indicates
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 Wall Street traders able to soar their profits by 500% with intelligent
decisions
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.
As a result
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, researchers express the importance of intelligently conducted
decisions
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.
However
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,
risks
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 may turn into a gambling situation
certain
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in certain
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 cases, especially if the possible results
did
Verb problem
are
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 not well investigated. Nowadays, youngsters do not tend to invest
to
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in
show examples
 their future, they are in the mentality of living present, and when they decide to invest they become very impatient. It is
well-known
Add an article
a well-known
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 fact that unaware, not well-thought and inpatient attitudes prone individuals to lose. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in crypto markets, particularly teens more tend to invest
high
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in high
show examples
 potential of winning and losing coins, without even thinking. When that coin manager decides to shut down the project, investors lose their money. In conclusion, risk-taking requires a lot of experience and technical knowledge. Since people
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have it, humans should avoid taking
risks
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, unless they are experts.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic but could be clearer in articulating your position on the advantages and disadvantages of risk-taking. Try to summarize your main argument and the points you will discuss in the essay more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph. This will improve the overall logical structure of your essay and help guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
task achievement
While you provide examples, some require more detailed explanation or context to clarify their relevance. For instance, elaborating on how Wall Street traders apply their calculations would strengthen your argument. Similarly, you could explain crypto market dynamics a bit more for clarity.
task achievement
Your use of examples, especially regarding stock traders and crypto investments, demonstrates a good understanding of real-world situations where risk-taking occurs.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of taking risks, which is important for a well-rounded argument.
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