IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Air travel is preferred by the rich people only.Majority of the peope receive no benefit from the development of air travel as an industry. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 might say that an upward trend has been seen
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
go to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad by
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I am
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 person
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
 that there's always limited access to go
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
show examples
. That kind of activity requires a lot of money,
thus
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who cannot afford that don't get a chance even once in their lives. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe why
this
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 phenomenon occurs and develop my own opinion. First of all, it is undeniable that Air
travel
Use synonyms
 is one of the most beloved
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of vacation
people
Use synonyms
chosen
Wrong verb form
choose
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 nowadays. The
cost
Use synonyms
 of
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
 tours is more cheaper than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past, and than the domestic tours. In Korea,
for instance
Linking Words
, the total
cost
Use synonyms
 of
travel
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Jeju Island was about 1,000,000 won per person.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to that, the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
Cebu
Correct article usage
the Cebu
show examples
 tour, in
Correct article usage
the Philippine
show examples
Philippine
Fix the agreement mistake
Philippines
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, was nearly 800,000 won including
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
 tickets. The
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 one is
apperantly
Correct your spelling
apparently
 easier to afford,
as a result
Linking Words
, a large number of tourists want to go abroad.
On the other hand
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, some
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that air
travel
Use synonyms
 remains
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an exclusive property of the rich. The
cost
Use synonyms
 of
that is
Linking Words
 still expensive,
while
Linking Words
 it is cheaper than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. In fact, the research conducted by Japanese Tourism Associations has shown that over 80 per cent of Japanese do not go to
travel
Use synonyms
 in their whole life. They said that the most answered reason why they're not going to
travel
Use synonyms
 overseas was
connecting
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 to its
cost
Use synonyms
. Spending a large amount of money at the same time is a burden to their personal
ecconomic
Correct your spelling
economic
 state,
Linking Words
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
 they don't choose to go abroad. These
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 proven that it is still limited to access to go overseas.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 it is better to afford the
cost
Use synonyms
 than
domestic
Add an article
a domestic
show examples
 tour or the past ticket price, there is
limitation
Add an article
a limitation
the limitation
show examples
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad
due to
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 its
cost
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 not
remaining
Verb problem
keep
show examples
 the development of
airline
Fix the agreement mistake
airlines
show examples
 only for rich
people
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 we have to consider the optimized solution to use it wisely.

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task achievement
Try to express your ideas more clearly and directly in your thesis statement. For instance, you could state your position early in the introduction for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas well with appropriate linking words or phrases. This will enhance the flow and clarity of your writing. For example, use 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'However' to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling errors, as they can affect the clarity and professionalism of your writing. For example, words like 'foriegn' and 'apperantly' should be corrected.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
What to do next:
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