IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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Business
days
Use synonyms
 per
week
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 should be reduced
while
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employees
Use synonyms
 should be given extended weekends. I do not concur with the notion because it would be unfair to the businesses
as well as
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workers
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.
Firstly
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, employers hire people with skill sets to fulfil their customer's requirements and make profits. Currently, they are to work for 8 hours a day for 5
days
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 a
week
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 which is considered rational as
this
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 way
workers
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 can maintain a work-life balance.
However
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, cutting down any number of
days
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 from
this
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 schedule would potentially lead the company to lose the profit to
substential
Correct your spelling
substantial
 loss.
Moreover
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,
while
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 companies are doing their best to provide their
employees
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 with enough breaks and leisure activities to relax in a stressful work environment, giving them an additional day off seems biased and unfair. To illustrate
this
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, leading companies in Toronto have refused a demand of 4 working
days
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 a
week
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 because
then
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 their profit would sink significantly.
Secondly
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,
although
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 the demand seems to be in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
workers
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 from the macro point of view, it is not beneficial for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workers
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.
This
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 demand totally plays against the
employees
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 who are getting paid on an hourly basis. Surviving in today's competitive era is already hard, only 4
days
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 of work for hourly paid
employees
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 would make less money and worsen their lives.
Furthermore
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, many people are fully satisfied with 2
days
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 for a weekend in many countries.
For example
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, thousands of
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 in the small towns of Ontario in Canada said that the weekend does not need an
extention
Correct your spelling
extension
 and rebelled against the mayor who supported the idea of reducing the working
days
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. I totally disagree with the notion of narrowing down the working
week
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 and
further
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extend
Wrong verb form
extending
show examples
 the weekend for the aforementioned reasons. In conclusion, by reducing
overall
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 working
days
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 and adding more to weekends, many businesses would suffer a great loss.
In addition
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, as many low-skill
workers
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 and laborers are not getting benefits, it is only favourable for skilled and
white collar
Add a hyphen
white-collar
show examples
employees
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.
Hence
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, I am against the notion because it's biased and not rational for everyone.

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task achievement
In your essay, consider adding more clear examples related to your arguments. This can strengthen your claims and make your points more persuasive.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly define key terms like "workers" and "businesses" early on in your essay, as it can help clarify your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are generally well-structured, you could enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve flow. Consider using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'On the other hand' to make these connections clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is strong, but try to restate your main points briefly before summarizing your overall opinion to reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, making it easy for the reader to understand your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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