IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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The purpose of scientific improvements should be aligned with the relief of the salvation of humanity.
This
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 strongly correlates with individuals' health, since healthy people can contribute to the advancements.
Also
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, these improvements may help to
transfer
Use synonyms
 more
knowledge
Use synonyms
 from elders to youngsters. In my opinion, the significance of focusing on
humans'
Fix the agreement mistake
human'
show examples
 lives outweighs any other enhancements. On the one hand, individuals' health plays
key
Add an article
a key
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 role
for
Change preposition
in
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 the development of technology, since only healthy brains can comprehend and evaluate issues and improve them. In the contemporary world, scientists merely
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
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 on other aspects,
such
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 as space and computer science,
however
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, they
do
Verb problem
are
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 not aware of the reduction of welfare in the lack of well-being.
As a result
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 of welfare diminishes, the effective scientific environment could degrade.
For instance
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, Madagascar was one of the leading locations for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animal science experiments in 2004.
Nonetheless
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, a pandemic disease appeared in the country, and unfortunately 40% of the community
dead
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died
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.
Thus
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, researchers had to leave the country in 2012. To be more specific about the importance of well-being studies, it is crucial to highlight
to
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apply
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that it has the potential of contributing to information
transfer
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 among generations.
This
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 data
transfer
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 stands out
one
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as one
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 of the most pivotal
factor
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factors
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 of global development.
This
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 merit is attributed to the worldwide scientific explosion which happened in the Renaissance period. My grandparents are so encouraged to share their
knowledge
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 about life with me. I have learned many important facts from them, particularly in terms of human behaviours.
Moreover
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, they teach me how to behave people. A study, which is conducted by Stanford University, indicates that people who live more than 80 years
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more tend to express their experiences and
knowledge
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 to their kids.
Therefore
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, these children are usually more successful than others. In conclusion, science
created
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is created
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 by humans, so it should work for humans as well.
Additionally
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, if health sciences are exerted in a good manner, it could potentially lead to improvements in other research areas by extended
knowledge
Use synonyms
transfer
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 and enabling healthy researchers.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly reflects your stance and the reasons that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that all paragraphs start with clear topic sentences that relate directly back to your main argument.
task achievement
Clarify your points and provide more explanations or examples to enhance the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Good attempt to address the topic and present a clear viewpoint on the importance of science in improving human lives.
task achievement
Efforts to use examples, such as the impact of health on scientific development, are commendable and relevant to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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