IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You are soon going to spend three months doing work experience in an organisation. Write a letter to the manager of the organisation where you are going to do work experience. In your letter • thank the manager for the opportunity to do work experience • explain what you hope to learn from the work experience • ask some questions about the work experience you are going to do

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 epistle regarding the acceptable to work in your technology organisation,
moreover
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, the impressive chance to get an experience. Initial, I am extremely grateful for that chance, especially, since the field of your organisation is focused on technology services, which, is related to my dream workplace,
additionally
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, the training in the cybersecurity department will add to my CV some skills
such
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 as teamwork leader, GRC and made a relationship.
On the other hand
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 , I want to ask you about some confusion about my training plan, more specifically, my responsibilities, work time and the project. Honestly, it is an essential matter that I am worried about , because, if I know what my monthly plan,
thus
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, the work will be more professional.
Lastly
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, thank you again for your acceptance of my training, and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Raheel

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task achievement
Your letter generally covers the main points, but try to provide more detail and clarity on what you hope to learn. For instance, you mentioned 'skills such as teamwork leader, GRC, and made a relationship,' but you could elaborate on this to make it clearer.
coherence cohesion
Try to clearly separate different ideas with paragraphs and ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. Currently, some sections feel a bit disjointed.
task achievement
Some sentences have awkward phrasing such as 'I am writing this epistle regarding the acceptable to work' which can be more clearly expressed as 'I am writing to express my gratitude for the opportunity to work.' Aim for clarity.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear greeting and closing.
task achievement
You have thanked the manager and included specific questions about your upcoming work experience.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appreciative
  • hands-on experience
  • skill enhancement
  • networking opportunities
  • mentorship
  • organisational structure
  • company ethos
  • onboarding process
  • professional development
  • collaborative environment
  • shadowing
  • logistics
  • corporate attire
  • reporting hierarchy
  • team dynamics
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