IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that history should be taught to children at school. Others however, believe that there are other subjects that are more relevant to children’s lives today. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is generally believed that history is an essential subject in school and from many, it should be taught at school on a regular basis,
However
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, there are others who think more appropriate topics should be taught in schools than history. Learning about the past may give children ideas about some events that occurred;
however
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 in my opinion
I'm wholeheartedly subscribe
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I wholeheartedly subscribe
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 to the latter statement because new
subjects
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 may
contributes
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contribute
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the
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to the
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 younger
generation to be
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generation's
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successful
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success
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 in their own lives.
To begin
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 with, Learning about history as a subject could be one of the best ways to gain more
experiences
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experience
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 which can help students in some situations in their
life
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lives
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.
For example
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, knowing about the reasons and how
world war
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World War
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 I, which was one of the best historical incidents, started and escalated could be helpful to avoid those same mistakes from occurring again.
Moreover
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, as an Iranian citizen, knowing about how foreigners invaded the country can be helpful in the future. Those on the other side of the argument say that
subjects
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 which are more updated to the present world should be prioritised more. There are many new aspects, which are modern and interesting, that children can study. Despite these
subjects
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may
Verb problem
being
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 visible as straightforward and simple, they could help pupils to be successful in life. To illustrate,
subjects
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 like marine biology, network engineering and city development may not seem significant but the reality is much more different than that.
Therefore
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, mastering those types of
subjects
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 will bring students to their potential heights,
thus
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 I agree with
this
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 view since it can brighten the future of students.
To conclude
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, From the great number of
general
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the general
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 public, those
subjects
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 which are appropriate to the present should be taught rather than traditional
subjects
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. I wholeheartedly agree with
this
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 belief as it will help and teach children ,
specially
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especially
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schoolchidren
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schoolchildren
, to climb the success ladder rather than gaining experiences which may or may not be useful in day-to-day life.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state both sides of the argument in your introduction. This will improve task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples that are directly relevant to the points you make to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which shows personal engagement with the topic.
Task Achievement
You provide some relevant historical examples which demonstrate an understanding of the subject matter.
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