Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Since old times,
music
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has been believed to transcend languages, uniting different communities. I personally agree with
this
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because the rhythm of
music
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brings enjoyment to everyone, despite having difficulties understanding the meaning of the lyrics.
Firstly
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, some people view
music
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as something very personal and has meaningful lyrics that can be understood. The unfamiliar language of trending songs might not interest people to start listening, let alone enjoy the
music
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.
Secondly
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, for society that does not view listening to
music
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as an enjoyable activity will not seek to find out more about it.
Moreover
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, there are certain communities who are against
music
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.
For example
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, in Muslim countries, listening to
music
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is considered forbidden and can be penalized if caught.
In contrast
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, there are many global artists who are known in almost every part of the world.
For example
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, statistical data from a Korean Agency shows that 70% of fans of the K-pop boy group BTS are from outside of South Korea. Their
music
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attracts many folks because most of the songs are surprisingly easy to listen to. Many fans from around the world viewed their favourite artist as a role model and began to open funding and charities for people in need, having a positive impact on the general public.
Additionally
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, a timeless artist like Coldplay has many fans of different ages,
such
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as millennials, Z, and the alpha generation. In summary, I believe
music
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is a good way to increase international, and multi-cultural interactions and can definitely out-limit the barrier of languages.

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task accomplishment
In the introduction, consider providing a clearer statement of your position on the topic. You could say 'I strongly agree' instead of 'I personally agree' to make your stance more assertive.
coherence and cohesion
In your second paragraph, the transition between discussing personal views of music and societal attitudes could be clearer. Using linking words or phrases would help.
task accomplishment
While your examples are relevant, consider including a few more varied points to strengthen your argument against the views of those who think music divides rather than unites. This will give your essay depth.
task accomplishment
You have provided specific examples of globally recognized artists which effectively support your argument about music's unifying power.
coherence and cohesion
Your overall structure is clear, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances the readability of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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