Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Since old times,

music

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has been believed to transcend languages, uniting different communities. I personally agree with

this

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because the rhythm of

music

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brings enjoyment to everyone, despite having difficulties understanding the meaning of the lyrics.

Firstly

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, some people view

music

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as something very personal and has meaningful lyrics that can be understood. The unfamiliar language of trending songs might not interest people to start listening, let alone enjoy the

music

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Secondly

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, for society that does not view listening to

music

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as an enjoyable activity will not seek to find out more about it.

Moreover

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, there are certain communities who are against

music

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For example

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, in Muslim countries, listening to

music

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is considered forbidden and can be penalized if caught.

In contrast

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, there are many global artists who are known in almost every part of the world.

For example

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, statistical data from a Korean Agency shows that 70% of fans of the K-pop boy group BTS are from outside of South Korea. Their

music

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attracts many folks because most of the songs are surprisingly easy to listen to. Many fans from around the world viewed their favourite artist as a role model and began to open funding and charities for people in need, having a positive impact on the general public.

Additionally

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, a timeless artist like Coldplay has many fans of different ages,

such

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as millennials, Z, and the alpha generation. In summary, I believe

music

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is a good way to increase international, and multi-cultural interactions and can definitely out-limit the barrier of languages.

octavia.0910Fri Feb 21 2025

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task accomplishment

In the introduction, consider providing a clearer statement of your position on the topic. You could say 'I strongly agree' instead of 'I personally agree' to make your stance more assertive.

coherence and cohesion

In your second paragraph, the transition between discussing personal views of music and societal attitudes could be clearer. Using linking words or phrases would help.

task accomplishment

While your examples are relevant, consider including a few more varied points to strengthen your argument against the views of those who think music divides rather than unites. This will give your essay depth.

task accomplishment

You have provided specific examples of globally recognized artists which effectively support your argument about music's unifying power.

coherence and cohesion

Your overall structure is clear, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances the readability of your essay.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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