IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The secret to success in life: Getting the right qualifications or having the right contacts? You should explain which factor is more important in achieving success, giving reasons to support your answer.

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In
this
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 life, we have many chances to achieve success, but the main important
field
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fields
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 we need as humans are qualifications and connecting with
people
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. Some
people
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 believe that having achievement in education is more important for soul and others argue that profit is to
having
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have
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 more relations with
number
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a number
the number
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 of
people
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 around the society. In
this
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assay
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essay
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, we will discuss both sides and explain which one has more impact. On the one hand, qualifications
is
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are
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 important to have high jobs which give
people
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 bigger opportunities to get high salaries. A group of professions require many certificates. So, the students must collect certificates for success and pass the measure.
Additionally
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, when the one who has a high education degree and achievement allows them to make luxury
activity
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activities
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 for their family
and
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apply
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may find
out
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apply
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strong opportunities outside their countries.
On the other hand
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, connections can
also
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 play a great role in our world
due to
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 relationships with others giving the different looking for soul and success.
For example
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, when the person exchanges talking with friends, sometimes they provide different insights to him in new fields which is ignored .
Furthermore
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, the business section needs relations
instead
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 of collecting degrees because employers need to hear real experiences from all businessmen. In conclusion, both factors are important to building a life with beneficial and successful. Education is important to discover new skills and improve others.
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While the
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The
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 right contacts are
also
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 important to grow social skills which help humans to expand their careers.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your thesis statement and clearly outline your position on which factor is more important.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to structure your paragraphs and ensure they relate back to your main argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims, particularly in the second paragraph.
content
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
content
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reiterates the importance of both factors in success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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