IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the contemporary world, individuals tend to live longer than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 centuries. It is often argued that
elder
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
 community induce several governmental dilemmas,
whereas
Linking Words
 others strongly advocate that the society could benefit from old
people
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 of
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 outweigh the advantages. On the one hand, old
people
Use synonyms
stands
Change the verb form
stand
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 out with certain perks,
such
Linking Words
 as they are transferring morals, ethics, cultures and merits to young generations.
In addition
Linking Words
, old
people
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 are the memory of the world, they express their
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and knowledge. These attitudes
attributed
Add a missing verb
are attributed
show examples
 to the conservation of the past.
For instance
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, my grandfather usually
talk
Change the verb form
talks
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 about his past occupation experiences and the Turkish culture when we meet. Sometimes, he
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
even
showing
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 some traditional dance moves, even though his age. Thanks to my grandfather, I learned many things from his past,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 learned about my culture.
However
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, the growing community of elders
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 the payments
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the government.
Moreover
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, if the
population
Use synonyms
 keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gradual increase,
an
Change the article
a
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 detrimental ramification could
occurred
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the national economy. The main reason behind
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is that the growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement payments
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 aligned with the
elder
Correct word choice
elderly
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in Italy, in 1987, the amount of Italian old
people
Use synonyms
 became very excessive, and the Italian government was paying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
retired
people
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 more than technological investments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in 2000, Italy suffered from
economic
Correct article usage
an economic
show examples
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
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, which is caused by pension fees. In conclusion, old
people
Use synonyms
 have many social benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as conserving local culture and transferring experiences to youngsters, yet governments may experience financial troubles, which could reduce local welfare, with the dramatic increase of
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
population
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Consider refining your thesis statement to explicitly state the reasons for your belief in the drawbacks outweighing the advantages. This will provide a clearer focus for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly linked across paragraphs, using transition words for better flow. Sometimes ideas seem to jump without adequate connection.
coherence and cohesion
In your example regarding your grandfather, be careful with grammar. Instead of 'sometimes he is even showing', consider using 'sometimes he even shows'. This small adjustment improves clarity and correctness.
task achievement
Your introduction lays out the topic well and sets the stage for your argument, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
task achievement
The use of personal experience with your grandfather adds a relatable touch to your argument and gives it a personal dimension.
task achievement
The example of Italy is relevant and effectively illustrates the point of economic strain due to an ageing population.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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