IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries nowadays,consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world.Do yo think this is a positive or negative development?

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In the majority of cities today
people
Use synonyms
 are able to find everything they want from shops like food which is exported from all parts of the world.
Although
Linking Words
 it has some advantages, generally it is a negative development. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, it will be discussed why it is causing environmental issues, and a loss of interest to travel in
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, for the transportation of goods nowadays companies use ships and plains. It is obvious that using them without fossil fuels especially petroleum is impossible.
As a result
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, it provides growth in air pollution.
For example
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 for delivering products from China to U.S. Ships need more than 3 tonnes of petrol and the number of ships can reach thousands per year, which plays a big role in climate change.
Secondly
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can find everything they search for and it will be needless to visit other countries,
instead
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 travelling and discovering other cultures and nations' food or stuff consumers can go to the nearest supermarket and purchase everything they need.
For instance
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, visitors in Iran have decreased since Iranian cookies were imported to countries all over the world. In conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
development is absolutely harmful to nature because of delivering problems,
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additionally
Change the adverb
additional
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 because of
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 go abroad at least as possible.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main argument in the introduction to guide the reader. The thesis statement could be more explicit in stating that it is a negative development due to environmental concerns and a decline in travel.
coherence and cohesion
Consider connecting your ideas more clearly with appropriate linking phrases to enhance the flow of your arguments. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could include statistics or studies that highlight the impact of transportation on pollution or the cultural significance of travel.
task achievement
The essay addresses relevant points related to the topic, including environmental concerns and cultural implications, showing a good understanding of the issues.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively, which helps to wrap up the argument nicely.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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