IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

14.Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets, many small local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Owing to the dramatic
expanding
Replace the word
expansion
show examples
 of many supermarkets it is thought by some that they are outpacing local
businesses
Use synonyms
,predominating them and resulting in their eventual
disapereanc
Correct your spelling
disappearance
.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with the statement for the two reasons below. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people in local areas are more into encouraging and supporting people
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their level so those small independent
businesses
Use synonyms
 were just like the huge markets. Big supermarkets were once small
businesses
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 expanded to renowned brands .
For example
Linking Words
, Gucci was only a small business and now it is one of the most famous well-known brands.  The other reason is that local
businesses
Use synonyms
 provide
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 products compared to others, it is possible to say that they may be hand
maded
Correct your spelling
made
.
For instance
Linking Words
, people in rural areas work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 farming and agriculture, so they perhaps know how to do things better than manufacturing them. 
To conclude
Linking Words
, regardless of the expansion of many big supermarkets, it can be a good thing to encourage the enhancement of local communities. ]

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Task Achievement
The introduction could be clearer by not just stating disagreement, but also outlining the main arguments you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you clearly separate your reasons into distinct paragraphs for better readability and logical flow.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples related to local businesses in your region or community to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider refining your vocabulary and grammar to enhance clarity, particularly by correcting spelling errors like 'disapereanc' and 'hand maded.'
Task Achievement
You clearly stated your disagreement with the statement, which sets a strong position from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint succinctly, which is effective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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