IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Today, the number of rural
people
Use synonyms
 who move to the
cities
Use synonyms
 is increasing in many countries around the world.
As a result
Linking Words
, the population in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is decreasing. I believe that it is a negative development as the
transmigration
Use synonyms
 of rural citizens may cause overpopulation in the
cities
Use synonyms
 and the decrease of
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sources
Change the noun form
source
show examples
production
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
many
cities
Use synonyms
 are experiencing overpopulation issues as more
people
Use synonyms
 from
countryside
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 are moving to the
cities
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of pollution
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 increased significantly since many
people
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
, who previously lived in the rural
countryside
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
, tend to purchase and use their own vehicles as their transportation preference.
For instance
Linking Words
, Jakarta, which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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the most dense city in Indonesia, has the worst air quality compared to other
cities
Use synonyms
 in Indonesia.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
amount
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 and the number of vehicles in Jakarta is beyond the maximum recommendation limit. On top of that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
people
Use synonyms
 from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 who are moving to the
cities
Use synonyms
 may potentially decrease the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sources
Change the noun form
source
show examples
production
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because most of the
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
production
Use synonyms
 activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
usually take place in the
countryside
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
. If many
countryside
Use synonyms
 citizens move to the
cities
Use synonyms
, the
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
production
Use synonyms
 rate will reduce
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the massive
transmigration
Use synonyms
 of East Java’s citizens,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 previously worked as farmers, to Jakarta has reduced the
amount
Use synonyms
 of rice produced significantly.
This
Linking Words
 circumstance led to the necessity to import
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of rice from other countries by
Indonesian
Add an article
the Indonesian
show examples
 government to fulfill the country’s rice demand. In conclusion, I consider the
transmigration
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to the
cities
Use synonyms
 as a negative development.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the overpopulation impacts that the
transmigration
Use synonyms
 brought and the potential decline of
food
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sources
Change the noun form
source
show examples
production
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly supported by more elaborate explanations. This will improve the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence
Use more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow and connection between your ideas. This will help improve coherence.
coherence
Consider rephrasing some sentences to reduce repetition and improve overall readability. This can make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You present clear arguments with relevant examples to support your points, which demonstrates good understanding of the topic.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your argument, presenting a clear stance.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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