It is widely argued about whether students should pursue higher education or they ought to receive vocational practice. Though the need for university graduates is undeniable, I totally agree that more people should be advised to be qualified as electricians and plumbers.

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It is widely argued about whether

students

Use synonyms

should pursue higher education or they ought to receive vocational practice. Though the need for university graduates is undeniable, I totally agree that more people should be advised to be qualified as electricians and plumbers.

Firstly

Linking Words

students

Use synonyms

should be more

vocationally-trained

Correct your spelling

vocationally trained

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in professions like plumbing or electrical work because there is always demand for these types of work.

Such

Linking Words

workers are vital when a building is constructed or the electricity in some houses is damaged. Many places

such

Linking Words

as hospitals and building offices hire a crew of skilled tradespeople to maintain the safety and

well

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

function of the places.

Moreover

Linking Words

, in some developed countries, there is an imbalance in the economy making many graduate

students

Use synonyms

Unnecessary verb

apply

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unemployed. Meanwhile, there is a lack of skilled

labors

Replace the word

labourers

show examples

Therefore

Linking Words

Ministry

Correct article usage

the Ministry

show examples

of Education should encourage and provide more vocational courses.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the addition of vocational practice can open more choices for

students

Use synonyms

. Not all people can follow higher education as they do not have the talent to study well so just keep studying may not be the optimum option for them.

Instead

Linking Words

, they can be exposed to career guidance

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

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helping them experience

labor

Change the spelling

labour

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work.

This

Linking Words

can make them find out what suits them most and the sooner they start vocational training, the more skilled and experienced they become.

As a result

Linking Words

, they can easily find a job and earn high salaries

due to

Linking Words

the high demand for skilled workers that the market can trust with plentiful big projects. In conclusion, I agree that it is important to encourage more people to join vocational workshops because, without

such

Linking Words

skilled

laborers

Change the spelling

labourers

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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society cannot function well.

dangkimngan19062001Sat Feb 22 2025

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Task Achievement

The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position. However, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of opposing views to further strengthen the argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

While the essay flows reasonably well, try to use more cohesive devices and transition phrases to enhance the logical connections between your ideas. For example, phrases like 'In addition' or 'On the other hand' could make the argument more fluid.

Task Achievement

You have successfully highlighted the importance of vocational training and the demand for skilled workers.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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It is widely argued about whether students should pursue higher education or they ought to receive vocational practice. Though the need for university graduates is undeniable, I totally agree that more people should be advised to be qualified as electricians and plumbers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some feel governments should invest in preserving minority languages, while others feel this is not a good use of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

For some people learning in a group is the most effective way, while others prefer one-on-one instructions. Discuss both views. What is your opinion?

Some think increasing business and cultural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the disappearance of national identity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.