IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are moving away from rural areas and towards urban areas. Why do you think that is? What problems can this cause?

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In
this
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 competitive world,
people
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 are migrating from villages to
cities
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 to seek opportunities and to improve their lifestyles.
However
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, it is good, but
people
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 forget the importance of rural
areas
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. In my opinion, it is good but there should be a proper balance in these
areas
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. And
also
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, what kind of problems many countries face because of
people
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 moving into urban
areas
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.
Firstly
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,
due to
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 moving into the city's population of that city increases, which may lead to major concern.
Such
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 as
,
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apply
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 increasing environmental pollution as
people
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 come into
cities
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 by their vehicles.
For example
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, in India, about 75% of the public living in
cities
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 have their personal vehicles which are huge in numbers and are an important factor when it comes to pollution.
Secondly
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,
people
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 shifting into
cities
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 need proper accommodation because
this
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 much land has been converted into a humongous building.
According to
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 a survey conducted, in many
cities
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 approx. 2% of land is remaining,
whereas
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 about 98% of land has been used.
Hence
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, there are problems occurring
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cities
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in cities
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area
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, but there is a large impact on the village
area
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.
On the other hand
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, in seeking opportunity
people
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 are not aware of how important the rural
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 are as more
people
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 are trying to go into
cities
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. Because of
this
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, countries are facing issues regarding food, water, etc.
For instance
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, if all the country's population moves into the urban
area
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then
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 there will be no farms which will lead us to no food to eat. So to avoid
this
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 kind of problem government should encourage
people
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 to stay in rural
areas
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.
In addition
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, authorities should provide the same facilities in rural
areas
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 which they provide in urban
areas
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.
Lastly
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, moving into a different
area
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 is not an issue, until there is a balance between these two
areas
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 and government should work together and develop the rural
area
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, so that, there should be no need for
people
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 to move into the urban
area
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.In

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly defines the two sides of the argument and states your opinion more explicitly. This will strengthen your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating more cohesive paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and support that idea consistently without deviating from the topic.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, summarize your main points more clearly to reinforce the arguments you have presented throughout the essay.
ideas
The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the shift from rural to urban areas and reflects on its implications effectively.
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