IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

cultural amenities such as museums, theatres and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the government

Many citizens believe that the government funding of cultural venues is unjust as they are costly and
percieved
Correct your spelling
perceived
 lack of benefit for the general public.
However
Linking Words
, their importance
focuss
Correct your spelling
focus
focuses
 on their role in economic growth.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are critical areas that should be attended
as
Change preposition
to as
show examples
 a priority. the following essay will elaborate on
such
Linking Words
venues
Change noun form
venues'
venue's
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comtributions
Correct your spelling
contributions
 and priority services. Cultural institutions play a key role in both developing and developed countries by fostering local economic growth, not only through entrance fees but
also
Linking Words
attracting
Change preposition
by attracting
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 visits with events, exhibitions and activities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of these amenities are considered iconic
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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 attractions, which is appealing for investors.
For instance
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, the British Museum is globally recognized; Despite, free admission, its donations and investments
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been upscaling over the years.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 provides justification for public subsidies of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 cultural amenities. As previously mentioned these establishments are not insignificant in society.
however
Linking Words
, It is essential to prioritise government investment in critical sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 as these are pivotal for a country’s development
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since the welfare of the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 is paramount for a nation’s proper functioning. Without a healthy
population
Add a comma
population,
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 a society would collapse, leaving no individuals to appreciate theatres.
For example
Linking Words
, implementing new community
health
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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 in suburban areas would ensure
health
Use synonyms
 reaches vulnerable citizens.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 serves as the foundation for social growth, nurturing future generations.
For instance
Linking Words
,
subsidizing
Change preposition
by subsidizing
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 technology in
education
Use synonyms
, children would be better equipped for future technological advancement.
Additionally
Linking Words
, manifold studies have shown that highly educated people are more capable of fully
appreciate
Wrong verb form
appreciating
show examples
 culture and art events. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 cultural amenities are important, they should not take precedence over essential services
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
, which are
fundamentals
Fix the agreement mistake
fundamental
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 human rights that must
be prioritise
Change the verb form
be prioritised
show examples
. In the future, the community ought to take part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public funds distributions with clear explanations provided to avoid misunderstandings.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your statements are fully supported with clear and specific examples throughout, as this will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your ideas by using more linking words and phrases to connect your thoughts.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity of your introduction and conclusion by summarizing your main points more succinctly and directly relating them to the thesis.
task achievement
Your essay effectively discusses the importance of cultural amenities and their economic benefits, which is a strong point.
task achievement
You make a valid argument emphasizing the priority of healthcare and education over cultural amenities, which is a relevant and insightful viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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