IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days in many countries fewer and fewer people want to become teachers particulary in secondly school. what are the reasons for this and how could the problem be solved.

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In many countries, fewer
people
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 want to be secondary school
teachers
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.
This
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 is a big problem.
This
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 essay will talk about why
this
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 happens and how to solve it. One reason is
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 salary.
Teachers
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 do a lot of work, but they do not get paid well.
This
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 makes young
people
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 choose other jobs. Another reason is stress. Teaching teenagers is hard because they do not always listen.
Teachers
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also
Linking Words
 have too much work, like grading homework and preparing lessons. To solve
this
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 problem, the government should pay
teachers
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 more money. If
teachers
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 get better salaries, more
people
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 will want to do
this
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 job.
Also
Linking Words
, schools should give
teachers
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 more support. They can hire more staff to help with work so
teachers
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 do not feel too stressed. In conclusion, fewer
people
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 want to be
teachers
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 because of low pay and stress. To fix
this
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, the government and schools should help
teachers
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 more.
This
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 will make teaching a better job for
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments regarding low salaries and stress. For instance, you could mention statistics on teacher salaries compared to other professions or studies on teacher burnout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of cohesive devices, such as 'however,' 'furthermore,' or 'for instance,' to enhance the flow of your essay and connect ideas more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's main points, establishing a good framework for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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