IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? *

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It is undeniable that the quest
of exploring
Change preposition
to explore
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 new
places
Use synonyms
 is never-ending. Nowadays, individuals are going to
places
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 where survival is
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
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 difficult as in the Sahara desert
as well as
Linking Words
 the Antarctic.
This
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 essay will discuss the pros and cons of choosing
such
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places
Use synonyms
 as tourist destinations in the upcoming paragraphs. On one side, tourist spots are aidful in enhancing one’s knowledge
while
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 exploring new
places
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 in terms of the environment
as well as
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 the wildlife, alongside meeting people of different cultures to get familiar with.
Moreover
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, a rise can be seen in job opportunities
of
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in
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 these
places
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;
therefore
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, money collected through it would be better spent on infrastructure and arranging basic facilities.
For instance
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, in Rajasthan’s desert, camel
ride
Fix the agreement mistake
rides
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 quite popular and those people are only able to earn if they get a ride; which is only possible with a boom in travellers there,
otherwise
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 they would be unemployed.
On the other hand
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,
due to
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 unawareness about the weather conditions of particular
areas
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, it is hard to decide on packing the items, whether to carry normal or more heat or cold resistant clothes. Not only packaging is arduous, but
also
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 surviving in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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severe conditions is tough which leads to illness among most of the visitors. To exemplify, WHO stated that human bodies are not able to adjust quickly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
 with more heat or cold present;
thus
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacationists fall sick,
due to
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this
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 reason. To encapsulate, as every coin has two sides,
similarly
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 visiting tourist
areas
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 with hard conditions
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some benefits
as well as
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 drawbacks.
However
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, it is better to check for the weather alongside taking proper medication to explore new
areas
Use synonyms
 to broaden one’s knowledge
,
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apply
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 and giving
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to
unemployed
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for a better job.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences for clarity and fluency. For example, "the quest of exploring new places is never-ending" could be made more concise.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand slightly on the examples provided; deeper explanations on how job opportunities are created or how illness affects tourists could strengthen your points.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to the main question of the benefits and disadvantages of difficult tourist destinations, round out each point more comprehensively.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the benefits and drawbacks of visiting challenging tourist destinations, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay effectively distinguishes between the advantages and disadvantages, allowing for easier comprehension of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
What to do next:
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