IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, many people
are feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 it is important for both mother and father to find a job for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
 because it's going to help their
kids
Use synonyms
 financially.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 another point of view that
said
Wrong verb form
says
show examples
 those
kids
Use synonyms
 will suffer from
absence
Add an article
the absence
an absence
show examples
 of their
parents
Use synonyms
. In the coming
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to explore my reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why I
am agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 working
parents
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
life currently is very expensive. Father alone can not offer to provide the essentials for his family
such
Linking Words
 as rent, groceries, internet and school supplies,
moreover
Linking Words
, individuals started to see luxury lifestyle
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
priority
Correct article usage
a priority
show examples
 and
inportant
Correct your spelling
important
 as much as the essentials
for example
Linking Words
 travel and
buing
Correct your spelling
buying
bring
being
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 brands.
Second,
Linking Words
rather than
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 I believe that
children
Use synonyms
 will benefit from the quality of the
time
Use synonyms
 they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 with their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 more
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the quantity. When the caregivers spend some
time
Use synonyms
 working
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 they love,
this
Linking Words
 will charge their energy to come back home
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 mood to see their
kids
Use synonyms
 and share with enjoyable
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, I knew a friend who's her mother is a doctor and spent a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 at the hospital
while
Linking Words
 she was a kid but
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 she is grateful that her mother raised her the way who is she now financially,
education
Change preposition
with education
show examples
 and personality
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, I am convinced that the
kids
Use synonyms
 in
early
Correct pronoun usage
their early
show examples
 years are benefit from going to daycare or preschool
while
Linking Words
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 at work. In detail, the child will meet with the other
children
Use synonyms
 and
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
shar
Correct your spelling
share
 pe with
thim
Correct your spelling
their
 appropriate age knowledge, playing games and exploring the outside house environment. All
Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 features will help to build up
Correct your spelling
strong
stronger
stronge
Correct your spelling
strong
 and
Correct your spelling
confidence
confidece
Correct your spelling
confident
 personality in the
children
Use synonyms
Finally
Linking Words
, there are a lot of
argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
show examples
 about working
both
Change preposition
with both
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 in
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 and everyone has
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will support my
openion
Correct your spelling
opinion
.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction. A strong thesis statement can guide your readers better.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied sentence structures and ensure grammatical accuracy to improve readability. This will also enhance the clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to back up your arguments. This will strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of personal experience makes your essay relatable and engaging.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income household
  • financial stability
  • extracurricular activities
  • role models
  • self-reliance
  • independent
  • emotional well-being
  • work-life balance
  • neglected
  • quality time
What to do next:
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