IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art is as important in our lives as science and technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been an ongoing debate about the importance of
art
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,
science
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, and
technology
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.
While
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 some argue that three factors contribute
an
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to an
show examples
 equal effect on society, others hold opposing
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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. I strongly agree with the former view, in
this
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 essay, I will give the argument and discuss these points in detail. In today's world, rapid globalization has contributed to the growing threat of mental disorders.
Art
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 offers a lot of mental benefits via various forms
such
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 as paintings, music, and fashion. Engaging with
art
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 provides an emotional outlet, fosters self-expression, and promotes relaxation, ultimately helping individuals cope with stress and anxiety on a daily basis.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 helps
on
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apply
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boost the economy as large as
science
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 and
technology
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, particularly in developed countries.
For example
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, in China, the Great Wall of Sand is one of the most famous places for tourists and contributes billions of dollars yearly to the government.
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Although
Correct word choice
Science
show examples
science
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 and
technology
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 are very important parts for both individuals and society by driving innovation and industrial growth.
In addition
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, It
also
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 offers advanced treatments, better diagnosis,
mental
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and mental
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 health therapies.
However
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,
science
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 can be used as a way of relaxing but not everyone can access it
due to
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 the high cost and lack of facilities. In conclusion,
art
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,
science
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 and
technology
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 offer significant values in various ways.
However
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, I firmly believe that
art
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 is a vital aspect as same as the remaining factors of life.
As a result
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, people should balance these factors
instead
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 of paying
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much attention
on
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to
show examples
 each other.

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task achievement
Ensure all major arguments are clearly articulated and supported with sufficient detail. Each point should be developed with examples or evidence to enhance clarity and impact.
coherence
Consider rephrasing some sentences to improve clarity and flow. Avoid overly long or complex sentences that can confuse the reader.
coherence
Add transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments and strengthen the connections between your ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and responds to the question by addressing the prompt directly.
task achievement
Interesting examples are provided, such as the Great Wall of Sand, which adds relevance to the argument about the economic impact of art.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional well-being
  • mental health
  • creative expression
  • cultural awareness
  • diversity
  • educational engagement
  • critical thinking
  • innovation
  • economy
  • creative industries
  • cultural tourism
  • holistic approach
  • human development
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