The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.

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There is no denying the fact that nowadays, lifestyle is one of the impact factors directly to people.
This
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essay will discuss the proportions of overweight kids in Western society has been increasing by 20% in the
last
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10 years.
To begin
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with , there are several reasons
upon
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for
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spreading
this
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problem and I suggest a point as a
solutions
Correct the article-noun agreement
solution
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.
Firstly
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,
a smart devices
Correct the article-noun agreement
smart devices
a smart device
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with
a children
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
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it is one of the main
reason
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reasons
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.
In other words
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, they are
lazy
Rephrase
too lazy
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for
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about
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doing
any body
Correct your spelling
anybody
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activies
Correct your spelling
activities
as a daily routine and, long time for staying watch
srean
Correct your spelling
screen
or playing video games.
Additionally
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,
by
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apply
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this
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device
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
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to access for delivery applications
specially
Replace the word
especially
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food
Use synonyms
apps.
For example
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, recent researchers
indicates
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indicate
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there are many
family
Change to a plural noun
families
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prefer to
watching
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watch
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TV during lunch or dinner time
this
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behaviour
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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eat more than
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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needed
Change the form of the verb
need
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. In terms of, ads
of
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for
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junk
food
Use synonyms
more than others.It is
also
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possible to say that,via channel must
increased
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increase
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the advertisements that highlight
to
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apply
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the better methods for
implement
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implementing
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a healthy
life style
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lifestyle
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with lower prices.
Moreover
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, I recommended to
learn
Verb problem
teach
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the kids the
drwaback
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drawback
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
which
are included
Wrong verb form
includes
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misspent time, health and money .
Furthermore
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, the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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attitude always under the control of the parents, who are can
be drawing
Wrong verb form
draw
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a routine of the outside activities and purchase valuable
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are many reasons and effects of the increasing overweight. It is
also
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true that, to avoid
this
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problem always balancing the many aspects and types of
food
Use synonyms
and activities is the better way.

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task achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to specify the causes, effects, and proposed solutions explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by using clearer paragraphing to separate distinct ideas related to causes, effects, and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'smart devices' could be simplified to 'technology') and check for grammatical errors to enhance clarity.
task achievement
You highlight the seriousness of the issue and offer solutions, which shows engagement with the topic.
task achievement
You included examples, particularly concerning children's habits around technology, contributing to a relatable argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 2. Screen time
  • 3. Physical activity
  • 4. Fast food consumption
  • 5. Processed foods
  • 6. Nutritional requirements
  • 7. Self-esteem
  • 8. Social isolation
  • 9. Mental health issues
  • 10. Hypertension
  • 11. Respiratory issues
  • 12. Community programs
  • 13. Educational initiatives
  • 14. Government policies
  • 15. Advertisements targeting children
  • 16. Healthy eating habits
  • 17. Subsidies for healthy foods
  • 18. Overweight prevalence
  • 19. Convenience of processed foods
  • 20. Long-term effects
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