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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
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The chart provides the information about destination of students who studied Anthropology graduates for undergraduate
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 from one college.
Moreover
Linking Words
 the table presents the information about
antothropologists
Correct your spelling
anthropologists
salaries
Use synonyms
 in 5
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 later of working.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that full-time
work
Use synonyms
 was the most students' destination.
In addition
Linking Words
, in
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 sector half of
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 got
salaries
Use synonyms
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than $100, 000. Focusing on the pie chart, the data reveals that students more
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 50%
was
Change the verb form
worked
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
while
Linking Words
 people who unemployed and
part-time
Correct determiner usage
those part-time
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 were 12% and 15%, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of full-time postgrad study and not known
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 8%.
Finally
Linking Words
, the number of part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and postgrad study was the lowest percentage which was 5%. Turning to the
graduates
Change noun form
graduate's
graduates'
show examples
autrthropologists
Correct your spelling
anthropologists
salaries
Use synonyms
 in
work
Use synonyms
 in
5 year
Add a hyphen
5-year
show examples
 freelance consultants who earned $25, 000-49, 900 were 5%
whereas
Linking Words
 those who $550,000 -74,999 were triple, 15% The number of those who $75, 500-99,999 and $100,000+ were 40%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of government sector who earned $50, 000 -79, 999 (15%) three times more
salaries
Use synonyms
 than those of 25, 000 -49,999 (5% )
while
Linking Words
 those who $75, 000-99, 999 (30%)
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 than those
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 $100,000 150%).
Lastly
Linking Words
, private companies were $25, 000-49,999 (10% ), $50,000 -74, 999(35% ), $75,000-99, 999 (25%) and $100,000+ (30% ).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salaries, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • anthropology graduates
  • undergraduate degree
  • part-time work
  • full-time work
  • postgraduate study
  • unemployment
  • career trends
  • employment opportunities
  • flexibility
  • specialization
  • competitive job market
  • salary
  • earning potential
  • private sector
  • government sector
  • freelance work
  • public policy
  • cultural preservation
  • consulting
  • corporate anthropology
  • expertise
  • accrued
  • distribution
  • sector
  • trend
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