IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. In your opinion, what are the causes and what are the effects on both individuals and society as a whole.

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With the development of countries,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to live separately or in a small family group . I believe that the main cause of adopting
this
Linking Words
 kind of behaviour is
Linking Words
due
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to loss of privatization in joint
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 and the effect is
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
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 of assistance. In my opinion, it has a negative impact on society. To commence with, scarcity of private life is the main cause of preferring to live in small
people
Use synonyms
. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to discuss their every single thought or action with other members of the family because they have more privilege of privacy, but living with
joint
Correct article usage
a joint
show examples
 tribe means they have to share with elders of their family.
For example
Linking Words
, a conducted by Prime TV in 2020 says that 80% of the young population in India likes to stay private because of the interference of older family members. The main effect of living separately is less assistance from individuals in the family.
People
Use synonyms
 have less communication with their
people
Use synonyms
 as they move to live independently. Their families
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 what's going on in their lives, so that's why they get less aid in their thick and thin times.
For instance
Linking Words
,
report
Add an article
a report
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 published by The New York Times in 2022 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 says that 67% of couples
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from mental health issues only because of living independently and not communicating with families properly.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the main reason for living separately is privacy and the adverse effect is a lack of backing
due to
Linking Words
 less communication. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 development negatively impacts society because they miss a lot of lovely moments of
house
Add an article
the house
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while
Linking Words
 living alone.

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task achievement
Consider providing more detailed explanations for your ideas, especially in the body paragraphs to enhance the clarity and development of your argument.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are relevant and clearly tied to the points you are making. Some examples could benefit from more context or detail to fully support your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the flow of your essay. Ensure that the transition between ideas and paragraphs is smooth to improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, as these can interfere with understanding your ideas. Editing your work for clarity can improve your score significantly.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic and attempt to analyze both causes and effects, which is a good approach to address the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay reflects a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which are essential components of a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • household
  • independence
  • self-sufficiency
  • cultural norms
  • extended families
  • economic factors
  • housing prices
  • feasible
  • technological influence
  • globalization
  • higher education
  • delayed marriage
  • mobility
  • individual success
  • communal living
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