IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The assertion of paying too high
salaries
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 to elder
managers
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 has become a controversial issue.
While
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 some argue that they deserve much higher wages, I firmly believe that paying highly unequal
salaries
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 to senior
managers
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 from other employees would exacerbate imbalance in
society
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as well as
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 spoil non-
managers
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motivation
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. In many cases, the paid salary determines the value of a professional position and the worth of implemented duties. Dedicating much higher
salaries
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 to the senior
managers
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 leaves less money to be divided among other employees, underestimating their efficiency at the workplace. These negative feelings,
therefore
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, directly spoil
motivation
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, belonging and tension to work hard.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 lack of
motivation
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 might persuade qualified and adroit employees to resign from imbalanced workplaces, increasing the rate of turnover in the company.
According to
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 the World Labour Organization, 40% of reassignments in Asia in 2020 were rooted in workers’ dissatisfaction from about fifteen times the differences between workers' and employers' wages, suggesting the impact of discrimination in
salaries
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 on a higher rate of turnover.
Furthermore
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, allocating significantly more
salaries
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 to
managers
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 polarizes
society
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 financially. Earning more money, the
managers
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 would be empowered economically; Yet, non-
managers
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 would regress financially, dividing the community into affluent or poor.
This
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 phenomenon is particularly evident in developing countries
such
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 as Iran or India, where a significant proportion of workforces are struggling with supplying life expenditures, meanwhile, bosses, encompassing 10% of
society
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, have been inundated with money, demonstrating the ineffectiveness of an unequal payment system.
This
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 financial gap,
also
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, could increase stress, depression and other adverse consequences among low-income families in the long term. In conclusion,
this
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 stark contrast in the salary payment system could decline
motivation
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 and prevail imbalanced
society
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.
This
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 policy,
therefore
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, could not be supported.
Conversely
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, it is predicted that taking a balanced approach in paying
salaries
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 evenly could cultivate substantial benefits.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement to strengthen logical flow.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples in the body paragraphs to support your arguments further.
task achievement
The introduction addresses the topic well and clearly states your position on the issue.
task achievement
Your use of statistics from the World Labour Organization adds credibility to your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Senior management
  • Salary disparity
  • Incentives
  • Income inequality
  • Organizational culture
  • Career progression
  • Employee morale
  • Compensation
  • Financial success
  • Decision-making
  • Responsibility
  • Merit
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