IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The problem of obesity is becoming a serious issue all over the world. Some people argue that the price of fattening foods should be increased to reduce the growth of this problem. Do you agree or disagree.

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there is no denying the fact that the problem of obesity.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that some people think
must
Correct pronoun usage
there must
show examples
 be
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 price of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 that lead to drop
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 problem. I staunchly agree with the aforementioned rubric
due to
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 some notable reasons. I would like to present my views by diving deeper into the topic before deducing a reasonable conclusion.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons to support my viewpoint, but the most conspicuous lies in the fact that an unhealthy diet can cause various
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 problems like obesity, heart, and liver disease. Should
be take
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
a healthy
Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
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food
Use synonyms
 that during take a good breakfast to get energy for your body because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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your body needs
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
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 diet. Improve your body health by
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 some exercise even only
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
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 the morning with
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 some protein and water because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 it
enhance
Change the verb form
enhances
show examples
 of
digestive
Add an article
the digestive
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 process. Another Pivotal aspect of
this
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 argument is that nowadays, many people are depending on fast
food
Use synonyms
 because it is cheaper than healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and
east
Correct your spelling
easy
show examples
 to
preper
Correct your spelling
prepare
prepper
. We can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
say that the percentage of young people who
consumer
Replace the word
consume
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 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is increasing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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over time.
Moreover
Linking Words
 the proportion of the fat, salt, and sugar
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
found in fast
food
Use synonyms
 but in large quantities. To encapsulate, the foregoing discussion propounds the view that it has both positive and negative aspects but I believe my views
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 shown more significance to me.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction. A clearer thesis statement can help guide your essay's direction.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure for clarity. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure that each idea is clearly expressed.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics on obesity rates or studies linking fast food prices to health outcomes.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your points more effectively. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea that supports your overall argument.
task achievement
You have presented a clear point of view regarding the issue of obesity and fast food pricing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic directly and incorporates relevant issues around health and diet.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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