IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are important for a child’s development as other subjects, so they should be compulsory in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Now there is a growing awareness that schools should
considering
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consider
be considering
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art
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subject
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subjects
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 like painting and drawing as main courses considering many people believe that it
has
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have
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 a significant role in student growth. I firmly agree that studying
art
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 as a part of formal education is a primary factor in
personal
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the personal
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 growth of children. One of the most compelling reasons why
art
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 classes should be mandatory is that they play a vital role in
child’s
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a child’s
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 cognitive and problem-solving skills, just like subjects
such
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 as mathematics and science. Engaging in artistic activities
strengthen
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strengthens
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 students’ ability to think critically and discover new solutions, which are crucial in all areas of learning.
For instance
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, many renowned scientists,
such
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 as Albert Einstein,
credits
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credit
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 their artistic pursuit as a key factor in their creative problem-solving abilities.
This
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 demonstrates that
art
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 is not merely an extracurricular activity but an essential academic discipline that nurtures skills needed for
overall
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 student development.
Furthermore
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, providing
art
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 lessons in school can help decrease stress and anxiety for students.
Art
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 activities like playing musical
instrument
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instruments
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, painting, or
coloring
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colouring
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 have a calming effect similar to meditation. A study has shown that
art
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 can reduce stress hormones and enhance children's mental well-being. A good case in point is when individuals
are overwhelm
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are overwhelmed
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 with memorization or calculation-based subjects, they can find relief through drawing lessons, where
this
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 is no need for a specific answer, allowing them to express their
emotion
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emotions
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 freely.
Thus
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, schools should arrange a
balance
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balanced
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 timetable
both
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for both
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art
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 and academic subjects to ensure students'
overall
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 well-being. In conclusion,
while
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 various materials contribute to a child’s development,
art
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 classes should remain a mandatory part of the curriculum, as they foster creativity, enhance cognitive abilities, and support students' emotional well-being.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction for clarity and to better outline your position.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear logical flow between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas together.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to strengthen your points, especially in the discussion about emotional well-being.
task achievement
The essay has a clear position that art classes are important for child development, which is well established in the introduction.
task achievement
You have integrated relevant examples that connect art with cognitive skills and emotional well-being, making your arguments more compelling.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Emotional expression
  • Mental health
  • Cultural awareness
  • Diversity and inclusion
  • Fine motor skills
  • Hand-eye coordination
  • Academic performance
  • Artistic engagement
  • Career opportunities
  • Creative fields
  • Graphic design
  • Architecture
  • Game development
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