IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Government should focus their spending on public services rather than on arts such as music and painting. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, a group of people believe that authorities have to concentrate on public facilities like education and the health system and spend their budget on them
instead
Linking Words
 of investing in the
arts
Use synonyms
 and culture. In my personal view, governments have to balance policy between the public services and the
arts
Use synonyms
 owing to the fact that one of them has an economic impact and the other one saves identity and grows the economy. On the one hand, the fact
that is
Linking Words
 really important is that when the level of public services improves,
then
Linking Words
 people will have better lives and the economy will grow.
For example
Linking Words
, if the authorities invest in education, all children from various socio-economic levels can follow their studies in the institutes;
moreover
Linking Words
, they will become skilled workers and develop their countries by working in various industries.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending money on health systems is the main factor that guarantees the community members' health and raises the efficiency of employees .
As a result
Linking Words
, healthy and knowledgeable workers are the best option for growing the economy of countries.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
arts
Use synonyms
 and cultural projects are related to national identity;
therefore
Linking Words
, investing in budgets leads to saving traditional norms and earning money from tourists.
For instance
Linking Words
, the main items which attract tourists to Japan are their cultural heritage,
such
Linking Words
 as their foods, handicrafts and so forth and their historical places.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when governments fund budgets to save their art and fix the old places,
then
Linking Words
 their visitors will increase and their tourist industry which has good incomes from Airports, Hotels, and so on will enhance.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Balancing both amenities and the
arts
Use synonyms
 creates a chance for countries to develop and have professional and healthy employees who can work in several companies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can improve their tourist hotspot and get their financial status better.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a clearer definition of what you mean by 'public services' and 'arts' early in the essay to help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your topic sentences more explicit in expressing the main idea of each paragraph, linking it clearly back to the prompt.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant to the arguments being made; some examples may benefit from further explanation to strengthen their connection to the main points.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and your position clearly, which is important for engaging the reader.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a good balance between the arguments for public services and the arts, demonstrating awareness of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, which is essential for a strong finish.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: