IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online ?

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We live in an age when many of us
use
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 the internet for daily life. There is no doubt that the internet can make
people
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's lives easier. In
this
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 regard, an increasing number of
people
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 are buying
things
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 that
use
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 online
platforms
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.
This
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 essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 proposal and demonstrate why it is proponents and correct. First and foremost,
people
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 who attend to buy
things
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 online will lose their aim of walking and become less healthy.
On the other hand
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, sellers who only sell
things
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 with an offline scheme become detrimental because
people
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 choose to
use
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 online
platforms
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.
For instance
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, sellers in Tanah Abang Market do the demonstration to block the online platform because their income has dropped sharply after
emergence
Add an article
the emergence
show examples
 of it.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 points that highlight the advantages
to
Change preposition
of
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 buying
things
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 online.
Secondly
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, more
people
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 choose the online platform to buy their needs because of the simplicity and cheaper.
People
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 do not have to spend on transportation fees to go out to the market. Sometimes, there are discounts
to
Change preposition
on
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 shipping
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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.
For example
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, housewives
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have children will be efficient using online
platforms
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while
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she
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
babysits
Correct subject-verb agreement
babysit
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. In fact, more
people
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 believe that online
platforms
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 are useful to
buy
Verb problem
satisfy
show examples
 their needs.
To conclude
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, there are more benefits to buying
things
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 online
while
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 there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 disadvantages
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. All
things
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 considered, I will recommend that
people
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 have to shop in the market sometimes, but if they are in a hurry or busy, they can
use
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 online shops.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity and development of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main point with corresponding support.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Refine your introduction and conclusion. The introduction should clearly outline the main points to be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize these points succinctly without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, which is essential for the task.
task achievement
Some examples provided help illustrate your points, showing an attempt to back up your statements.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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