IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason for this? What are the effects of this habit?

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People in modern days are sleeping less than before. In my opinion, it is
releate
Correct your spelling
relevant
 to increase
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
screen time usage,
Use synonyms
whish
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
indivisual
Correct your spelling
individual
individuals
 sleep less and less. In
this
Linking Words
 paragraph, I will discuss the reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem and
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the negative effects of
this
Linking Words
 habit. Nowadays,
indivisual
Correct your spelling
individual
individuals
 sleep less than ever because of the long use of
PC
Fix the agreement mistake
PCs
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, video games, and cell
phone
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phones
show examples
.
Whish
Use synonyms
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
 people to stay
wake
Correct your spelling
awake
show examples
 for longer hours on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 screen.
For example
Linking Words
, most young
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adult have cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and use social media for hours after they return from
schools
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school
show examples
 or
work places
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workplaces
show examples
 till their sleep time. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, the
screen
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screen's
show examples
 blue light
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 it harder for folks to fall
a sleep
Correct your spelling
asleep
show examples
 faster and
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 its quality. Sleepless nights can take a
troll
Correct your spelling
toll
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your mental and physical health. For
instanst
Correct your spelling
instance
instant
, sleeping less can lead to
deperation
Correct your spelling
depression
 and other mental health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
releated
Correct your spelling
related
 to lack of sleep in the long run.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
blue light has the same effect
of
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as
show examples
sun light
Correct your spelling
sunlight
show examples
Use synonyms
whish
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
change
Correct article usage
a change
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 biological
clock's
Change the noun form
clocks
clock
show examples
 in the body.
Use synonyms
whish
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
delay
Correct article usage
a delay
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the release of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
melatonin (sleeping
hormon
Correct your spelling
hormone
).
Therefore
Linking Words
, sleeping less than 8 hr in general
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 effect on
Correct your spelling
human
humen
Correct your spelling
human
 well-being In
summery
Correct your spelling
summary
show examples
, the
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 usage of the phone among
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
 public
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in sleep hours.
Thus
Linking Words
,
reflexed
Verb problem
it reflects
show examples
 badly
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mental and physical health in total.

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Grammar
Try to maintain subject-verb agreement throughout your essay. For instance, 'individual sleep less' should be 'individuals sleep less'.
Clarity
Make sure to clarify your points. For example, instead of 'Whish cause people to stay wake', you can write 'which causes people to stay awake'.
Vocabulary
Ensure the correct spelling of words, such as 'related', 'individual', 'result', and 'instinct'.
Content
Expand on your ideas and provide more examples or evidence to support your points. This will enhance the depth of your arguments.
Content
You have clearly identified the reasons and effects of reduced sleep, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Coherence
Your essay presents a logical progression of ideas, moving from the causes to the effects of sleep deprivation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • circadian rhythm
  • insomnia
  • digital distractions
  • screen time
  • artificial lighting
  • sleep cues
  • FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • noise pollution
  • work-life balance
  • globalized economy
  • sleep disturbances
  • prolonged exposure
  • demanding jobs
  • work culture
What to do next:
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