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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below give information on the ages of people when they got married in one particular country in 1996 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and repairing the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of people when they got married in one particular country in 1996 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and repairing the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the ages of people when they got married in one particular country in the
years
Use synonyms
 1996 and 2008 respectively.
Overall
Linking Words
, the increase in older
age
Use synonyms
 marriage levels is more prominent and preferred in the
year
Use synonyms
 2008 as compared to the
year
Use synonyms
 1996, where
both
Use synonyms
 genders show a spike in the bar around the ages of 30 to 44. Females preferred the
age
Use synonyms
 of 25 for getting married which is ranked the highest for
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 males showed a preference for the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 34 in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 with 9 per
cent
Use synonyms
 being the rank for the
year
Use synonyms
 1996 and 11 per
cent
Use synonyms
 for the
year
Use synonyms
 2008 showing a slight increase of 3 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
 2008.The least preferred
age
Use synonyms
 to get married by females was the
age
Use synonyms
 of 19 wherein
both
Use synonyms
 the
years
Use synonyms
 the percentages are very low with the
year
Use synonyms
 2008 being at 0.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and
year
Use synonyms
 1996 at 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 the case of males, they showed no preference to get married in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 at all in
both
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
 consecutively

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, age, year, both, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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