IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that academic subjects such as mathematics and physics should be prioritized over arts and music. Do you agree or disagree?

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The arrangement of
school
Use synonyms
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
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 has always been one of the controversial issues. Some people believe in
superiority
Correct article usage
the superiority
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 of academic subjects to the minor
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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such
Linking Words
 as
art
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 and music. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement since core majors are essential for
future
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 job placements and presently time management for students. First and foremost, core academic disciplines are essential for nurturing
logic
Correct article usage
the logic
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 and problem-solving abilities of students.
Therefore
Linking Words
, learning mathematics,physics and science must be strictly followed and enhanced since
future
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 development, career opportunities rely strongly on these fundamentals.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted on 100 successful engineers,lawyers and doctors indicated that only 5% of them studied at
schools
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 that included non-core subjects of
art
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 and music, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
95%
of
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apply
show examples
studied at
schools
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 that never provided any
art
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class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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. From another perspective,
in addition
Linking Words
 to the importance of academic courses for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
Use synonyms
 opportunities, these courses require focus and concentration abilities in a strict and supervised condition. if not learnt at
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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, they would almost never be learnt out of
School
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, the packed 6 hours of
school
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' curriculum makes it the
moat
Correct your spelling
most
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 suitable place to teach children core subjects in a particularly limited time.
Hence
Linking Words
, creative classes can be taken electively after
school
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 hours supplementary for those with specific interest
To conclude
Linking Words
 whatever is discussed regarding
schools
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' curriculum, many people including me , Believe that mathematics, science and physics are absolutely more essential rather than
art
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 and music for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future
Use synonyms
 career development and
schools
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 must spend time only on them.

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language use
Your introduction presents your viewpoint clearly, but consider rephrasing for smoother language. Switch 'the minor one such as art and music' to 'subjects like arts and music' for clarity.
mechanical errors
Ensure punctuation and spacing consistency, particularly after commas. For example, 'mathematics,physics' should be 'mathematics, physics'.
development
In your second point, it would be stronger to provide reasoning on why focus and concentration are more beneficial in academic subjects compared to arts.
development
Add a brief explanation of why art and music are valuable, to create a more balanced argument, even if you disagree.
argumentation
Your essay has a clear stance, which allows for a defined structure and argument throughout.
supporting evidence
You provide statistical evidence to support your claims, which adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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