IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that most of the education budget should be allocated to
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 field rather than
on
Change preposition
to
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 other fields of study. I vehemently disagree with
this
Linking Words
 thought as I believe all
subjects
Use synonyms
 are important.
Although
Linking Words
science
Use synonyms
 has been the key driver for growth and innovation
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 mankind for
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 two centuries, other
subjects
Use synonyms
 have been complementing
Science
Use synonyms
 in one way or another.
For instance
Linking Words
, Economics, Arts, Commerce, Anthropology and Political
science
Use synonyms
 are a few of
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 popular learning streams that have contributed to
evolution
Add an article
the evolution
show examples
 of humanity. If schools are not provided money for these fields, how will the
world
Use synonyms
 get the best economists and bankers
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 These roles are very important as they drive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
world
Use synonyms
 economics. They are responsible for running the
world
Use synonyms
 politically and economically. Without their leadership,
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 can fall into chaos. So it's very important to promote these courses. On top of it, without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government grants, people aspiring to be artists will suffer and
Use synonyms
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 would not be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 happy place that we all want.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as compared to traditional career choices, there are so many new options available for teenagers
such
Linking Words
 as social media
influencer
Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
show examples
, Podcasters, Radio Jockeys etcetera. New courses are being designed specifically to cater to them.
As a result
Linking Words
, these courses are required to be supported by people in power as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will help to create new jobs and bring prosperity.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I agree that
science
Use synonyms
 & technology has been one of the most popular
subjects
Use synonyms
 but other
subjects
Use synonyms
 are equally important for funding without which we will not be able to grow in all aspects of life.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states your stance, consider providing a brief outline of the points you will discuss, which would help to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Some of your arguments could benefit from clearer connections between sentences and paragraphs. Using more linking words can improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to elaborate further on your examples or provide additional relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This would enhance the overall impact of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion against prioritizing science funding, which is well articulated in the introduction.
task achievement
You effectively touch on the importance of diverse subjects in contributing to society, which shows a broader understanding of the educational landscape.
task achievement
The use of different subjects such as Economics, Arts, and new career options shows a well-rounded perspective on the value of various fields of study.
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